#1
This first one is a a folksy acoustic song, I was actually inspired by a song I recently saw on here. I feel like it's kinda short and blah.

Come in stranger its getting cold
What’s your story, let it unfold
On each word I’ll put a note
We’ll sing the song of life

Let´s go in and get some rest
The winters come and I must confess
My old bones they need a rest
Let’s sing the song of life

I was once like you
I will always remember
But even the strongest tree
Can’t stand tall in December

Let’s sit by the fireside and drink some tea
My you’ve grown, or is it just me?
These old eyes, they hurt to see
But your youth breathes life into me

You used to sit here when you were young
You’d play with cars and toy guns
But now the time has come
Sing your song of life

I was once like you
I will always remember
But even the strongest tree
Withers in the winter

Thanks for your time
Unexpected but kind
Someday stop back by
And sing the song of life
Last edited by Loffle Monster. at Jun 9, 2011,
#2
Dude, one piece per thread is the rules. It'll be best if you stick to them.
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
#4
I think the second and third verses would be more effective if you switcehd them round. In my mind it makes more sense for 'But even the strongest tree, Can’t stand tall in December'
to be followed by 'Let´s go in and get some rest'. It would also give a pattern in the verse where it would alternate between a verse ending on the 'song of life' line and just a normal line.
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
#5
didnt really like the last stanza. it just didn't seem to resolve well. im not exactly sure whether it was the meaning of this stanza, or just the word choice, but the ending did not sit well for me