#1
I really wanted to make a song that kinda captured teenage life during summer vacation and stuff.. I got the tune all down but the lyrics are a lil choppy.. Oh well, please read.

Wake up,
thinking everyday's friday
Dream about
doing nothing all day
Be dumb,
make some noise if we want to
Cause these
days are all we got left to loose!

No'ones telling me what to say
Nothings gonna get in my way...
I'm gonna do what I wanna
Cause nothing ever lasts forever!

((chorus))
These Summer days
go by so quick but we race them away
These summer days
Remind us to explore this world and play..
We only have a little time
before we waste away our lives
doing what grown-ups do
So lets go without remorse
Before things just get worse!

Lay back,
promising that your gonna do
Everything,
you said you'd never do
Freak out
Go around like you're born a fool
Jump in!
everyones gonna join you..

Dont tell me where to go
Cause i dont care if i'm coming home
Dont tell me what to say
I never really listened anyway

I know its not to far before we...
Set out and act responsibly...
But before we get old
make sure you grab hold
of my hand
and lets run away in this temporrary Neverland

Repeat chours...
Last edited by Kota Panda at Jun 10, 2011,
#2
Reminds me alot of Longview by Green Day.
Good stuff dude
How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better.

#3
I'm quite impressed by this. You set out to capture that teenage spirit, and you did just that. there are a few syllabic issues that I felt didn't fit the rhythm that I'd like to point out:

Cause these
days are all we got left to loose!

I'm digging the punky feel of the verses, but this last line breaks the anthem-chant sound (and just an aside - 'lose', not 'loose')

Same with:

These Summer days
go by so quick but we race them away

the number of syllables matches, but once you say them out loud, it doesn't really flow that well.

I know its not to far before we...
Set out and act responsibly...

I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm glad you realize this little lesson. put it off as long as you can :P
'too', not 'to'
'temporary'
and I'm nitpicking now because I really enjoyed this. If you can pull it off without a sum 41/NFG/blink/whomever pop-punk sound, and still capture the essence of it, I applaud you.
#4
Very good ^_^ It's got this teenage feeling to it... and did you write this with the brainstorm technique? It somehow sounds a little like that :S
C4C... deal?


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#5
thank you all for your feed back! I am 17 and I guess all summer, even though its only been 2 weeks for me, I feel as though my youth will be going away. So I wanted to reflect that. And the one part:

"These Summer days
go by so quick but we race them all away" ((Or something similar to that, sorry really tired atm ))

"These summer days" Is meant to be sung kinda extended and with one person starting and then a few people singing it after them.. Idk if that helps my case but I do agree its a lil chopppy.

I did intend to make this a punk song and have a feel similar to Blink 1-82 but a lil different.
And no I didnt brainstorm, just sang it out loud.. sorry
Last edited by Kota Panda at Jun 13, 2011,