#1
Tell me what you think. I'm afraid it's too cliché at times, but can't really seem to find out by myself. I'd appreciate a helping hand!

V1:
I cry - when I remind myself it's over
Why ain't she here so I can hold her
(Pause)
Music doesn't sound the same without you
I shouldn’t love you but you I kinda want to
Gave you a world full of affection
(Pause)
But you repaid me with rejection

C1:
Cant tell the difference between
Memories and nightmares
Cus it's the same thing that i feel

Still the stack of papers stand tall
Even though you're not here
I still write you many songs

V2:
I know - the things I blamed you of before
Are now the issues that I’m craving for
(Pause)
My heart doesn’t beat as fast without you
I shouldn’t care but I kinda try to.
But something's missing from all the pictures
(Pause)
Cus they only show half the girl that you was

C2:
Cant tell the difference between
Memories and nightmares
Cus it's the same thing that i feel

Still the stack of papers stand tall
Even though you're not here
I still write you many songs

V3:
I believe - Precious moments shared will never end
These two colors were not meant to blend
(Pause)
Colors don't look the same without you
I shouldn’t miss you but I kinda like to
If there’s a God why wont he listen
(Pause)
To a lonely boy who’s so clearly missing
Last edited by FryMeALiver at Jun 12, 2011,
#2
Quote by FryMeALiver

V1:
I cry - when I remind myself it's over
Why ain't she here so I can hold her
(Pause)
Music doesn't sound the same without you
I shouldn’t love you but you I kinda want to >> i like d repeatation of this line
Gave you a world full of affection
(Pause)
But you repaid me with rejection
>> these 2 lines seem forcefully rhymed

C1:
Cant tell the difference between
Memories and nightmares
Cus it's the same thing that i feel
>> ur sayin the same thing in all the 3 lines n yes its waaay cliche

Still the stack of papers stand tall >> strike out dis word
Even though you're not here
I still write you many songs

V2:
I know - the things I blamed you of before
Are now the issues that I’m craving for
>> doesnt flow

(Pause)
My heart doesn’t beat as fast without you
I shouldn’t care but I kinda try to.
But something's missing from all the pictures
(Pause)
Cus they only show half the girl that you was >> were

V3:
I believe - Precious moments shared will never end
These two colors were not meant to blend
>> good
(Pause)
Colors don't look the same without you
I shouldn’t miss you but I kinda like to
If there’s a God why wont he listen
(Pause)
To a lonely boy who’s so clearly missing
>> uh.. the same thing ur just trying to rhyme it all n its clearly not working


well.. it does need a lot of work, try to rhyme it a little bit less, try using new vocabulary.. it will get fine the more u write oh n like the title alot for some reason so keep on writing
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I write poetry
And it sucks.
Last edited by leafwhisperer at Jun 12, 2011,