#1
Drop a link to yours Any critique is appreciated!

Throughout the years
My collection has grown
From one to a thousand
Everyone's been my own

I've kept 'em safe
From mockery and laughter
In my cardboard box
For the past and thereafter

Some good, some bad
But it doesn't really matter
Things now seem pretty obvious
There's plenty of dreams to shatter

An undeniable fact of life is;
It ain't never as dull as it seems
'Cus you can always just dig in.
Into your cardboard box full of dreams.
Last edited by FryMeALiver at Jun 12, 2011,
#2
I like the subject matter and phrasing, but it's pretty short for a song. If that's not what it is, disregard what I say next.

If you wanted to go with a traditionally structured song, throw a chorus in there in a few places and maybe a bridge and you're set- 4 stanzas is plenty. If you want to eschew that route- and there are plenty of good reasons to do so, but to do it for it's own sake always seemed silly to me- you just need to keep writing... maybe more stanzas, maybe some more passages with different cadences or rhyme schemes. Simply writing more stanzas like the first four could work, but it could also get boring.

At least, that's what I would do.
#3
It's not, mate It's one of my poems I've uploaded at a site called poemofquotes. Just registered here, and wanted to get some serious feedback besides all the 13 year old girls going "aaaaaw" at the other site.

My other one I just uploaded as well "Big boys don't cry" is a poem also. "Music doesn't sound the same without you" is a song though.

But anyway, I really appreciate you took yourself the time to reply!
#4
Alrighty. I kinda thought so, but I wasn't sure. I'm here to try and learn to write songs, because frankly, I'm tired of singing someone else's, so that's generally how I look at stuff. A lot of poems could work as songs, and vice versa, so I do feel like I learned something reading it. Thanks for sharing.