#1
Hey all

I posted this not too long ago, however, in unfinished form. It is now finished, titled, basically ready to be recorded. However, I want some good critique before I record it.

So, thoughts/considerations:

I know it's repetitive. It's meant to have vocals. Some singing, shrieking, growling, what have you. Let me know how the solos are. This is the first time in a LONG while that I've actually written a solo, let alone two. Consider the flow. Hopefully it flows well enough.

It's basically an amalgation of Isole/Swallow the Sun/Colosseum, as far as sound goes. Anyway, thanks in advance!
Attachments:
Lost in the Dreaming Void.zip
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Jul 10, 2011,
#2
Wow, this is really good. I can really hear some StS here.
The riff at bar 66 is very good, so is bar 140-151. Probably the best parts of the song.
If you were concerned about your solos, they turned out great.

Could you let me know when you record this? I really, really like it.
#3
Great intro, and the bass compliments the instrumentation perfectly. The solo is good and provides some good melody, but I would fix some of the harmonies in 18, because the two guitars have far too much dissonance between them in the opening notes of that bar.

Ah, this is familiar.

As I said in the previous thread, I really liked A-2. Should be really awesome if it gets recorded. I especially like the halftime feel section of it.

B is good and works for what it is. C/Melody 1 is a great build up of action, and I like how you've altered it from it's previous version. Both guitars accent eachother great in that section.

D [Bridge] has some strange accidentals that add contrast to the piece, although I'm not quite sure if they're needed because you don't change into a different key after the bridge ends. That being said its a decent section but nothing to salivate over.

B-2/Melody 2 is good, and gets much better as it gains intensity. I liked E - Lead 2, good melodies and no harmony problems. A3 is a good transition, and I liked the third beat of 127 with the harmony fade in.

C1-Melody 1 is a good break from the less intense material, and this would probably be one of my favorite sections if it were recorded properly. B-2 / Melody 2 is good, although its a rephrase of a prior section.

The reprisal of A-2 is great, and E1/Melody 3 is a great outro for the piece.

I wouldn't have shrieks for this piece in particular, but some mid range vocals up to some Chuck Schuldiner-esque style vocals should work well coupled with growls and perhaps some "regular" singing.

Crit the piece in my sig?
#4
^ Thanks for the honest crit man, I'll definitely get to your song as soon as I can. Hopefully today.

At 18 it is dissonant, but I was kind of going for that. And I couldnt actually figure out what I played at first so I kind of settled on that. and D I just wanted a change from the normal harmonies I'd been using and to add some dissonance/balls to it, I guess. and if I thought it was great, trust me, it'd get at least one more repeat.
Quote by Face_Humper
Wow, this is really good. I can really hear some StS here.
The riff at bar 66 is very good, so is bar 140-151. Probably the best parts of the song.
If you were concerned about your solos, they turned out great.

Could you let me know when you record this? I really, really like it.

Thanks for the kind words man, I'll definitely let you know when it's recorded.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#5
I absolutely love the variations you put into this song. As a composer, I respect a writer like you. Especially one whose able to change the song up so much but keep it in the same vain.
Listening through it, it's hard to give a intense crit like you're wanting because It's hard to find something wrong or something that i would hear that dosen't fit in this piece. It flows very well and seems to push you in this direction that is CONSTANTLY moving. As a writer, I strive for this composition skill. Even the clean sections are crisp and airy. I love the acoustic guitars you have in it, especially the beginning. You create a beautiful atmosphere with the layers and textures you have written and I really like how often the drum parts change up and add soo much flavor to the song itself. The guitar parts really compliment the rest of the instruments as well. I really enjoyed checking this piece out! Thank you for checking mine out as well. The only thing I'd really say is that you should add more textures and layers through out the song.
#6
A thousand thanks for the crit on Dreamstate.

As a disclaimer, the closest I've been to doom is Opeth.

You shouldn't worry about the solos, they're great. The F sounds a bit weird at bar 12, but it could just be the midi.

Most of it all flows very naturally, it's very well done. It can be a bit slow at times, but I guess this what the genre is all about.

Although the thing at 127 might disrupt the flow a bit. I'm not too fond of your transition into C-1 (140). The part itself is quite cool though, the 5/4 doesn't feel weird at all.

It transitions quite well the other way though, into B-2. It's nice that you brought it back. Makes it more memorable, which is always a good thing.


All in all, this is a solid piece that you probably (again, I know nothing about doom, but I liked this) should be proud of. And I'm sorry I couldn't give you a more thorough crit, but there's not much to complain about. q:
#7
I have to check these mentioned bands out after your song, hopefully they're as good? It didn't get one bit too repetitive, to me at least. Solos flowed perfectly, very very doomy 10/10