#1
cant figure out how to end it and im not familiar with song structures so i tend to make poems but here is my second try id luv some advice or direction from the pros on here thanx in advance btw still a work in progress


I'ts written on your face,
just as clear as day, what it is
thats been troubling you
just know youll be ok
dnt u ever give in, dnt u ever let that man win
god gives u nothing
that your soul couldnt bear
I know it may feel hopeless
but ur not alone so focus
on the good times you and i had..... before him
Lifes not suppose to be this
loves not meant to hurt like this
and if he loved u
thn he wouldnt make u cry
and thats why.....
i will be here to pick up the pieces
when he tears u down bit by bit
take my hand and ill show to a place
where your safe
by my side

So he called u up just yesterday
said he learned the error of his ways
once again u believed him to be sincere
i tried to beg you out of it
just stay with me and dnt go with him
but u left and said you had to ..
you had to think of ur kids
weeks later i saw u down the aisle buying groceries
and i didnt recognize the girl i was seeing
not had only had you gotten thin
but the light you had
had died within
i took ur hand and right thn there
together we both cried

i know it may feel hopeless
but ur not alone so focus
on the good times you and i had
before him
not all men are like this
not all men like to use their fists
and if he loved thn he wouldnt make you cry
Thats why
i will be here to pick up the pieces
after he's torn u down bit by bit
take my hand and i will show you to a place
where your safe
By my side

She use to be a beauty
cheer captain and homecoming queen
a full scholarship with a one way ticket out of here
He was smooth as hunny
and she never saw him coming
that boy could charm any girl
and he did!
At night u could hear the yelling
broken glass and swearing
but the neighbors just pretended
that they didnt hear a thing
make up couldnt hide it
no matter how hard she tried it
and i begged her everyday to leave
for herself and for her kids.........

dnt know how to end it........hmmmmm
#2
but she always focus on her bids.

well hey lets forget all those things
even when a phone call rings
togetther will try
together we will cry.

i tryed to end it hope its ok. your song is good, just add some metaphors and add some contrasts e.g. even if it rains everyday, the sunshine will make it go away. try and not to put too much lines in each verse. but its good i think you have potential for writing more songs
#5
I know I tend to write the way I text.. And how do u mean punctuate where n how?
#6
Punctuate, as in question marks, commas, full stops, etc. There are numerous places where I feel it needed punctuation, and even a little reworking of the grammar. I honestly cannot go through all that myself as I don't have the time. You can try and use spellcheck.net for now. It's a handy tool.

I personally feel that writing something emotional and relevant to our lives should be given extra care; we should write properly. That's just my opinion obviously, but it really does allow the reader to freely think about the actual imagery and word choices of the piece rather than all the common mistakes.