#1
a day in the life
so i'm rolling cold in the daze
2AM on the expressway
tires beating against the pavement, slow
waltzing to the red, green go, the empty road,
aimless.

the piano trickles along to Sinatra's deep exhaust
"a day in the life of a fool"
then B.I.G. spits soul,
"i don't wanna live no more
sometimes i hear death knockin at my front door"
and i'm driving fast now, least about ninety
weaving through the happy hour's rush hour --
i am like a fire down the highway
swerving ahead of the motherless minivans,
the liquor-fuelled hybrids, the sleepy eighteen-wheelers,
looking, searching, begging,
killing for the
open road.

i know
i won't
die
here

i love harder than i crash, collide, burn--
i will
break
through
Last edited by punchupatatigge at Jun 14, 2011,
#3
I like it, even if I favor hidden or cryptic messages. If there is one, I'm to ignorant to see it yet. I really enjoyed the third set of lines. It gave a sense of determination and power.

However, I'd stay away from starting the song with the word "so" unless it was describing something (Eg: So tough was the metal....), it's really not that pleasant IMHO. Also I'd try not to go too much into specifics when it comes to time. It's very limiting.

I was very entertained by this piece. I hope you write more.