#1
She smokes her last cigarette
Its time to put on a show
The ashes fall to the ground
Just like her life

Never had good grades
Never seemed to fit in at school
This unfortunate soul
Claims that she’s no-ones fool

High heels and make up
In the dead of night
Lover for a fee
Sex, the new money tree
Her skin will pay for luxuries
But her scars will never heal

All in a days work
She feels no disgrace
It pays the bills
And fills her empty space
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You like Lamb of God, so you're awesome.


Quote by Dopemgs

P.S: You like Lamb of God, so you're awesome


Quote by PsiGuy60
PS. To Conor:
You like Lamb of God, so you're awesome.
[/desperateattempttogetsigged]
#3
I loved it. Loved the last two stanzas, they really described the person in the situation.
The only thing I might change is the line "just like her life." It seems a little empty. You're just stating the fact without any other emotion.
Keep writing, I enjoyed it thoroughly.
BEWARE THE BANANA ARMY.

I SAY, I SAY, BEWARE THE BANANA ARMY.

They say when they finally attack, all the impostors will peel themselves. In order to tell if you have been assimilated, check for a zipper somewhere near your pelvis.


#5
I'd agree with the comment on the last line of the first stanza. You've got a great setup for some really interesting imagery- use it!

I dig it.
#6
thanks for the advice, i agree that last line in the first verse could use something better. I'll keep thinking, glad you all like it
Quote by Thrill-house
You like Lamb of God, so you're awesome.


Quote by Dopemgs

P.S: You like Lamb of God, so you're awesome


Quote by PsiGuy60
PS. To Conor:
You like Lamb of God, so you're awesome.
[/desperateattempttogetsigged]
#7
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#8
Not bad man. I dont thing it would fit in metalcore myself but you could figure something out