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#1
Pit, I bring you gift! No, it's not a picture of something weird, fappable, arousing, or anything like that.

Instead, it's the hilarious true story of something absolutely horrifyingly awful that happened to me at work today (well technically yesterday if you're a douchebag or European or some shit).

As some of you may know due to the thread I made a while ago, I work in a restaurant. I do prep and work service in the kitchen. We use a shitload of lemon juice (read: god semen) and it's all fresh squeezed. Which, y'know, is nice for the customer, but kind of a pain in the ass for those who have to squeeze the lemons (read: me).

So today I had to juice a few hundred lemons. First I had to roll them out to maximize the juice harvest/lemon genocide, then I had to slice them, then juice them, and then strain all of it into quart containers (a quart is about a liter).

It takes a few hours. And in between, I had to do some other work. Finally, it's five minutes before closing and I have to push to finish up the lemons or I get chained to the oven like a mere woman! So I finish, and I pick up the bus bucket where the lemon corpses are to throw them out and take them to the dishwasher (read: Mexican). As I did that, I knocked over the bucket filled with lemon juice and it spilled everywhere.

It was like the last scene in Titanic, where everyone dies, but worse. Not only did I have to clean it up, and not only had all my industry and toil been for naught, but those poor lemons gave up their lives to refresh our patrons and liven up our dishes, and instead, they watered the dead linoleum men.

I ask that you bow your heads in silence for a moment for the lemons. And enjoy my story.

TL;DR read the ****ing post.
#5
Thanks. I thought it was a cool story too, and I'm grateful that you all consider me your bro even though we just met.
#6
Quote by L2112Lif
I put a ton of my capital into SW Airlines... The next day, THE NEXT DAY these nutters fly into the WTC. What the hell? Apparently no one wanted to fly anymore, and I was like "What gives? God damnit Osama, let me win a fuggin' game!"
#10
You're style is annoying as hell and that story could have been way shorter if you took out all the stupid unfunny crap.

Quote by emad
jthm_guitarist
Warned for trolling!


Quote by metal4eva_22
Didn't you say that you had a stuffed fox that you would occasionally fuck?

Quote by Axelfox
It's not a fox,it's a wolf.
#12
Quote by ethan_hanus
That was a pointless post, bravo.


I feel so ashamed that the great Ethan Hanus finds one of my posts stupid and pointless. I may as well end my life.
#13
Quote by trueamerican
I feel so ashamed that the great Ethan Hanus finds one of my posts stupid and pointless. I may as well end my life.



Concentrated lemon juice would of saved you a lot of time. It's also good for breaking up kidney stones.
#14
That sucks. I guess. Not sure it was as funny as I had hoped, but I suppose your over personification of lemons is somewhat redeeming.
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what specs is your pc? like how much ram?


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[IMG]http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large-5/three-rams-steve-mckinzie.jpg[/IMG]


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3 ram, nice

#15
Quote by trueamerican
I feel so ashamed that the great Ethan Hanus finds one of my posts stupid and pointless. I may as well end my life.


It's okay. We'll pretend this never happened.

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I remember Das_Skittles made me rage hard.

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I can't stand Das_Skittles everything he says makes me mad.

Quote by due 07
Skittles is the shit you cuntles. Slob on his knob.

My Band Youtube Channel Last.fm
#16
Quote by ethan_hanus
Concentrated lemon juice would of saved you a lot of time. It's also good for breaking up kidney stones.


Concentrated lemon juice is not fresh lemon juice. The whole point of fresh lemon juice is that it's fresh lemon juice.....

Quote by Danjo's Guitar
That sucks. I guess. Not sure it was as funny as I had hoped, but I suppose your over personification of lemons is somewhat redeeming.


It was kind of a "you had to be there" moment or a "you have to know me" moment

But I'm glad you appreciated the personification.
#17
Quote by trueamerican

It was like the last scene in Titanic, where everyone dies, but worse.


That entire post was worth reading just for this line.


My signature lacks content. It is, however, blue.
#18
Quote by Das_Skittles
It's okay. We'll pretend this never happened.


I... I... I just don't know if I can go on
#19
That's good reveling.
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#20
Quote by ethan_hanus
That was a pointless post, bravo.
Nice work, you managed to make a pointless post pointing out a pointless post.
#21
Thanks man. I'm glad your reveling session is going well. You seem to be the only one who knows how to take advantage of a good revel
#23
i'm mexican and i'm greatly offended! nah bro its cool. you just have to send me $1000 and change your name to "LaTiNo HeAt" and we'll call it good.
My sig? Nice.
#24
Quote by BurningTurkey
i'm mexican and i'm greatly offended! nah bro its cool. you just have to send me $1000 and change your name to "LaTiNo HeAt" and we'll call it good.


That was my first choice for a username, but it was taken
#27
I bet it was a set up by the Mexican. HE KNEW YOU'D BE THERE MAN AND HE KNEW YOU'D NEED THOSE LEMONS
Last edited by WantsLesPaul at Jun 15, 2011,
#28
Quote by due 07
Nice work, you managed to make a pointless post pointing out a pointless post.



I want to read your essays and blogs of the artistic nature!


Art evokes the mystery without which the world would not exist.

- Rene Magritte
#29
Quote by WantsLesPaul
I bet it was a set up by the Mexican. HE KNEW YOU'D BE THERE MAN AND HE KNEW YOU'D NEED THOSE LEMONS


Nah, Lorenzo would never do that to me. He is me amorrrrrrrr.
#31
Quote by blackflag49
The real DD would never be so hapless.

Exactly. He'd probably just smoke the lemons instead.
MATTERHORN
#32
I started off as nothing more than a car salesman. It was a dead end job until I was noticed. And now that I am trying to recreate myself during the year that Mad Men is not going to be on television, I make one mistake and you insult me?

To you I say, "What?"
#33
The same happened to me...but with GRAVY. And I had just spent precious time pouring it into tiny individual styrofoam cups.

Disgusting gravy, everywhere. It was embarrassing, and gross, and just the rush of anger and embarrassment, and the realization that I would have to clean it up...

My outlook on life was changed that day.
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#34
Don Draper is the single most overrated character in modern television.

There, I said it. Feels good, man.
#35
Quote by Primus2112
The same happened to me...but with GRAVY. And I had just spent precious time pouring it into tiny individual styrofoam cups.

Disgusting gravy, everywhere. It was embarrassing, and gross, and just the rush of anger and embarrassment, and the realization that I would have to clean it up...

My outlook on life was changed that day.


Finally! Someone who understands my pain!

And yes, my outlook on life is now: **** everything. Nothing is worth doing.
#36
Quote by due 07
Don Draper is the single most overrated character in modern television.

There, I said it. Feels good, man.


I'd have to say your avatar is

And no, Don Draper is not the least bit overrated. If anything, he's underrated. His potential is limitless.
#37
Quote by due 07
Don Draper is the single most overrated character in modern television.

There, I said it. Feels good, man.




See what you've done?? You jerk
#38
Quote by trueamerican
I'd have to say your avatar is

And no, Don Draper is not the least bit overrated. If anything, he's underrated. His potential is limitless.


Get it? Mad?

Harhar, I genius.

Princess Luna is the single most underrated character in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Can you believe it? The best pony is only in two episodes. What a shame.
#39
Quote by trueamerican
Finally! Someone who understands my pain!

And yes, my outlook on life is now: **** everything. Nothing is worth doing.




People just love to look down on KP until we're not there to wash/fix/help with their stupid shit
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
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