What do I need? I can hook up my G-Dec and play through that, but I want to just connect to the USB port on a laptop sometimes. I know there is an adapter for that but have no idea what it is or what it's called. A link would be fantastic.

I dont ever have any luck plugging my guitar into my computer. I have a bunch of software and some of those cables, and I can get it to output, but there is always a "delay"

I dont mean like an effect delay, I mean, when I hit one of the strings, it doesnt output instantly - it outputs like .5 - 1 second later and always completely throws my timing off. Cant stand it.
Treble>Epiphone Prophecy EX - MXR micro Amp - MXR Blue Box - MXR Fullbore - MXR Noise Clamp - Vox AD30VT
Bass>Ibanez BTB505 - MXR Blowtorch - MXR D.I. - Peavey MaxBass 700 - Peavey TVX410
Just use your usual cable and buy a 1/4 inch to 1/8 inch converter(its like 4dollars) and plug it right into your mic input on the computer/laptop. I do that with good results and i dont notice a delay.
You won't get good results using cheap recording hardware. The "delay" is called latency. It is resultant of the slow speeds that your computer processes your guitars signal.

I haven't used one of those guitar to usb cable things, I use an audio interface. An audio interface is basically a system with an input(s) in that you can plug your guitar into and have your guitar signal processed in a more managable time.

I use a Line 6 UX2, however I see that you want to be able to fit it into a gig bag. I don't know if your prepared to pay for it, but to do it properly your best bet would probably be the Line 6 GX pod studio. I just found it for £66 on a google shopping search.
Quote by WtrPlyr
Quote by alans056
Maybe the price tag is clouding your judgment ?
yeah probably. Or the circuits.