#1
song based on a dream and personal shit. not sure if I like it, listening to too much manchester orchestra lately. feedback appreciated.


nine times out of ten
i heard a voice that made me sin
I always sort of knew it was my own

eleven months now gone
seems we struggle to hold on
the voice is telling me I gotta go

and if I failed to say
failed to put the past away
I promise you I know it's all my fault

nine times out of ten
there's been a voice that made me sin
I promise you it's always been my fault

and she cried
please don't leave
I said
baby I've already heard that song
she shouted
I can't sleep
without you by my side
without you in my life
if you can't choose to stay
i'll shut it off

i waited by her grave
for days, I didn't see a thing
just a stone, some bones and a box

nine times out of ten
I heard a voice that made me sin
now the voice just whispers: it's your fault
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#2
This scans quite nicely. I can easily imagine a tune to it. Poetically, it's quite pleasant. Nothing rang false to me. If you feel like it's too personal or based on a dream and shit, well feel free not to share it, but I didn't feel squicky or TMI about it.

Whether it's a good song or not probably depends on whether it's a good song or not. Got a recording?

peace
#3
love the new album.

this is good but lags in parts. I love the voicings but I'm not sure on exactly what's being said if that makes sense. I understand its based on a dream/personal stuff but that doesn't mean you can't portray it in a way that it won't connect. not harshing, just reminding you .

try fleshing out the content a bit more