#1
Been a while since I've been on here...

Here's a song a wrote a while back...it's called Last Lullaby


ALONE IN YOUR BED
YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS
TO QUESTIONS RHETORICAL NOW

WAS IT ALL IN YOUR HEAD
WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND
WHEN I TALK METAPHORICALLY NOW?

AND IT’S SO HARD TO SCREAM
WHEN YOU'RE TRYIN’ TO BE QUIET
I WANNA GO START A RIOT
BLOW IT ALL TO THE SKY

WHAT STARTED OUT SO FINE
WAS A LONG DROP FROM CLOUD NINE
THE BIRDS SINGING YOUR LAST LULLA---

---BYGONES BE BYGONES
I DID MY BEST
WAS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT OF YOU

AND I WOULDA GAVE YOU
MY LAST DROP OF BLOOD
NOW YOU WON’T SEE ME BLEEDING FOR YOU

REVENGE MAY BE SWEET
WHEN YOU'VE TASTED DEFEAT
BUT AN EYE FOR AN EYE WILL LEAVE EVERYONE BLIND

THE FIRST TIME I’LL LET SLIDE
BUT IN HINDSIGHT YOU'RE STILL BLIND
NOW EVERYTHING WE'VE HAD HAS DIED

(instrumental)

ALWAYS THE ANTAGONIST
I WAS EXPECTING
A CLICHÉD DEFEAT BY THE END OF NIGHT

BUT THE BAD GUY WINS THIS ROUND
HERO BURIED UNDERGROUND
ANGELS SINGING YOUR LAST LULLABY

(instrumental)

WHAT STARTED OUT SO FINE
WAS A LONG DROP FROM CLOUD NINE
AND THIS IS OUR FINAL GOODBYE
#2
There are a few grammatical and spelling errors (like the "woulda gave you") which aren't very pleasing. The main problem I have is the song's fluidity. I don't see the connections between the stanzas.
It's a good piece, but it needs a little debugging.
BEWARE THE BANANA ARMY.

I SAY, I SAY, BEWARE THE BANANA ARMY.

They say when they finally attack, all the impostors will peel themselves. In order to tell if you have been assimilated, check for a zipper somewhere near your pelvis.


#3
I enjoyed it. If it were me (and my goodness I'm glad I am me :P) I would've changed "riot" to "still" or something because it doesn't sit well with me how it perfectly rhymes with "quiet."
AND IT’S SO HARD TO SCREAM
WHEN YOU'RE TRYIN’ TO BE STILL
I WANNA GO START A RIOT
BLOW IT ALL TO THE SKY

But....that's just an idea.
#4
A few things...

The all caps thing is distracting, as far as reading it goes.

The stanza Leila pointed to is the only one with four lines. If that's a chorus or a bridge of some sort, cool, I get it. But if not, it kinda sticks out.

Lulla-Bygones- very clever. I liked it.

As far as fluidity goes, there are words here and there that could be tweaked to fix that. I don't think suggesting anything specific would be overly helpful- it's your piece- but read it out loud and I think you'll find the points where certain words could just be cut and the flow would be better.