#1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lto9_HT8VtA

C4C :] Uhhh idk really what to say, my biggest influence is Chevelle, and I feel like i really suck at making vocal melodies right now, but this is like my 2nd song ever. And it was kind of like a 30 minute thing.

Lyrics are iffy

Take my hand, as you bring me down
you're so far away, i can't hear
bend the bracket, as i leave this place
-
so now, crushing points you fail me out
you can't focus, when im around
im just your pawn, take what you will
ill take you out with myself

chorus lol
Days go by, as we take these blows
I know your faults, cause they're my own
For your protection, stay
the fiends out there are cruel
Last edited by PENGNASTY at Jun 19, 2011,
#3
Quote by BrandonBeaux
@PENGNASTY: Sorry that this douchebag just spoiled your fun with spam. I hope that since I reported him, they'll just remove the post instead of closing the thread.


lol thanks they removed it :]
#4
It's not that bad. The one thing i found a problem, is that the lines of the verses don't scan well. The length of them don't match up when singing and it throws everything off.

Also, when you sing, sing with more clarity, because i couldn't understand you at times, even with reading the lyrics.

This has potential.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1451937
http://richmusic.dmusic.com

"Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that all was vanity; but dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, and make it possible."
#5
Hey PENGNASTY. Just wanted to drop by to critique your song and add any suggestions for your song.

Well first off, Chevelle is good lol and I can really hear the influence in the way you sing and the way the chords are played. I liked the scream at around 2:05 or so. The fact that you just let it all out is cool, but this song would definitely have more of an impact if there were other instruments like drums, bass, and distorted guitars.

Another suggestion would probably be turning off that fan lol the sound quality of whatever device you used to record this with wasn't terrible, but investing in a microphone, even if it's just one, would definitely help you out as well.

Overall, good job. I can definitely see the potential in this original song.

Could you critique our song? It's an acoustic rock song, but it's definitely not as heavy as Chevelle. Let us know what you think and stuff and let us know of any suggestions that you have for the song.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1451600

Thanks!
-Brendan & Jimmy
#6
The lyrics need work from a rhythmic point of view... and I can't really follow what the lyrics are about? The guitar and vocal style work well together though man. If you've fallen into that style on your second song, then you are lucky. I still don't really know what I should sound like. At around 1:28, it definitely feels like distorted guitars and drums should come in, but you obviously can't play all of them at once. Keep at it!

Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1451450
The below is false.
The above is true.

*world implodes*
#7
Quote by rich2k4
It's not that bad. The one thing i found a problem, is that the lines of the verses don't scan well. The length of them don't match up when singing and it throws everything off.

Also, when you sing, sing with more clarity, because i couldn't understand you at times, even with reading the lyrics.

This has potential.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1451937



Lol the lyrics were made up in like 20 minutes. I think i wasn't singing with too much clarity because of the fact that the lyrics were odd to me anyway lol. Thank you though :] I'll work on it, I'm thinking about a different chord progression for the chorus.

Quote by Brendan & Jimmy
Hey PENGNASTY. Just wanted to drop by to critique your song and add any suggestions for your song.

Well first off, Chevelle is good lol and I can really hear the influence in the way you sing and the way the chords are played. I liked the scream at around 2:05 or so. The fact that you just let it all out is cool, but this song would definitely have more of an impact if there were other instruments like drums, bass, and distorted guitars.

Another suggestion would probably be turning off that fan lol the sound quality of whatever device you used to record this with wasn't terrible, but investing in a microphone, even if it's just one, would definitely help you out as well.

Overall, good job. I can definitely see the potential in this original song.

Could you critique our song? It's an acoustic rock song, but it's definitely not as heavy as Chevelle. Let us know what you think and stuff and let us know of any suggestions that you have for the song.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1451600

Thanks!
-Brendan & Jimmy


Lol thanks. I'm not really sure on what to buy as far as recording, so I'm kind of lost there. Thank you though for listening :] I'll take your suggestions into mind.

Quote by punkman_123
The lyrics need work from a rhythmic point of view... and I can't really follow what the lyrics are about? The guitar and vocal style work well together though man. If you've fallen into that style on your second song, then you are lucky. I still don't really know what I should sound like. At around 1:28, it definitely feels like distorted guitars and drums should come in, but you obviously can't play all of them at once. Keep at it!

Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1451450



Lol yeah like I said in the quote above, if you want me to be honest, the lyrics are kind of bs. It's supposed to be a little about a relationship, falling apart, and what goes through the mind of the one suffering more. And thank you lol, I'm not really sure if that's what I'm supposed to sound like, but that type of music is what I love so I tend to make more melodies like that. This was my 2nd attempt at ever making a lyrical melody though, so I'm not really sure how to go about that.


Thanks guys, I'll get to all of yours asap. :]
#8
one advice i can give when making demos. Doesn't matter how BS you think the lyrics are, for a demo you should sing them clearly. Things can always be worked on later, but the initial demo should be solid to get the idea of the song.
http://richmusic.dmusic.com

"Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that all was vanity; but dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, and make it possible."
#9
Quote by rich2k4
one advice i can give when making demos. Doesn't matter how BS you think the lyrics are, for a demo you should sing them clearly. Things can always be worked on later, but the initial demo should be solid to get the idea of the song.


Alright I'll keep that in mind, and make a rerecording within a week or so. Thanks!