#1
The Teenage Years
I saw an animal skeleton on a path in the woods
I think just a deer or something.
It was normal enough-
not the first time I’d seen one
or anything,
but I wonder when
along the way
you decide to lay down and die like that.

Each night
voices turn into ghosts
bodies slip into stiffness
and cobwebs replace all the blood vessels.
Some people have watched it happen,
trembling at the thought of it,
others tremble with a rope in their hands
and a swinging chandelier above them,
chips of plaster on the chair
wobbling below their bare feet
pale and reddening,
overrun with spiders.

There are notes sometimes
in envelopes or on tables
that tell people how to feel,
or to try to avoid that
at all costs.

I like to think that morgues
aren’t as cold and clean as they look
in the movies,
and that instead, everything is calm,
colored—not about to burst
and that the bodies are all
lying there joking like kids
at a sleepover, threatening to get up
and sneak out into the breaking light
to show the world everything they had left.

Never had I seen so many heavy feet
as that morning in the cemetery.
All their shoes covered with dew-wet grass
cut the day before to look stately and respectable
but when I opened my eyes from the daydream
there were no other people, no grassy shoes but mine,
and there were weeds even, overrunning my shaking feet.
I left my shoes for you there between the graves
in case you ever have somewhere to go,
and because I’m not sure anyone could stand to pick yours up
from the floorboards where you’d nailed them down.

One night you arrived
wearing my shoes.
We slid into the night,
glistening with imprints of the moonglow.
We got ourselves a place outside the city
to grow up in and relive our younger days,
and our beds grew emptier each night
while we went and snapped in half all the lost toys
we found when we robbed the house
we grew up in and left the place in shambles
with identical footprints leaving a trail out the window,
through the backyards between sprinkler systems
that hydrate the east coast in the summer.

You speak and the heavens understand
the whole world collapses into stillness
the lights below flick off one by one,
it grows cold and you take my hand.
A bit of you rubs off on me and
as the snow begins to fall and the river
freezes over, we wander upstream
to places we have been, to things
that we have seen.
So here I write a note in the snow; it claims,
“it wasn’t so bad”
and we laugh
because it really wasn’t.
Then we slip into the river
our bodies protected and preserved
by the iceflow above and as my thoughts
begin to slow and I curl up
with you on the muddy floor,
I think we both know
when all this thaws,
we’ll know exactly who we were
and that leaves only one question
to be asked,
once we bloom from the water
into the breaking light,
and that’s just one about where
we head to next
and how we get there fast.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Last edited by jiminizzle at Jun 20, 2011,
#2
This is absolutely amazing! Could you please shed some insight on your connection with this piece?
Strange, It seems like a character mutation, Though I have all the means, of bringing you fuckers down, I can't make myself, To destroy upon command, Somehow forgiveness, lets the evil make a loss - Danger Mouse/Sparklehorse/Wayne Coyne
#3
I know I don't comment much on your pieces but I do read all of them. You're a tremendous writer and I wanted to say that I thought this piece was stunning. That last stanza was something else, man. Great, great job
here, My Dear, here it is
#4
Quote by SubwayToVenus
I know I don't comment much on your pieces but I do read all of them. You're a tremendous writer and I wanted to say that I thought this piece was stunning. That last stanza was something else, man. Great, great job


I do agree. What we've got here is a master of the art of writing.
Strange, It seems like a character mutation, Though I have all the means, of bringing you fuckers down, I can't make myself, To destroy upon command, Somehow forgiveness, lets the evil make a loss - Danger Mouse/Sparklehorse/Wayne Coyne
#6
This is absolutely amazing! Could you please shed some insight on your connection with this piece?

well i turned 20 today so last night i drove out to the mountains and decided to write my last poem as a teenager because i like to make things dramatic like that so I sat down on the edge of a mountain overlooking a small town lit up in the night, titled it the teenage years and scribbled out this poem about you and your teenage self and some other things about that. Thanks for the encouragement, sir.


know I don't comment much on your pieces but I do read all of them. You're a tremendous writer and I wanted to say that I thought this piece was stunning. That last stanza was something else, man. Great, great job

thank you so much it means a lot from someone as talented as yourself. i think your first sentence could be flipped right back to you, by the way.

thank you seopower.

i'm gonna see if i can do some serious cleaning up on this. thanks for reading guys.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#7
This is genius. One of the best things i've ever read on this forum and i've been here a while. It carries so much of the sentiment of the song in your signature and that is some of the greatest praise i can think of bestowing upon a piece like this.

Not to say it's a perfect poem but i don't look for perfection in pieces like this. I look for character and this has got alot of it. This is a commonly attempted style on this forum and i think this is one of the few i've read that didn't make me say "this is written by a teenager trying to be deep but disaffected at the same time" and cringe a little as a result.

So yeah it could be tweaked but i think it would have taken a fantastic writer to even get it this far.

Well done.
Last edited by spitonastranger at Jun 21, 2011,
#8
middle gets a bit clunky. beginning three stanzas and last stanza are perfect.

if there was a poem of the year competition i would nominate this for that. one of the best fresh pieces of poetry ive read in a while, professional or otherwise. dont let that youth die.

(plus, it gets even wierder when its one year later and you realize you only have nine years until you're thirty haha)
#10
a few words from Costa Rica, came home, everyone passed out, felt like I had to come on here to read something in particular and it obviously was this piece. Very moving, thrusting, threathening. Happy belated Birthday, and I will add too that I also read the majority of your pieces wherever I'm able to get a connection. I hope you feel like you're somewhere you wanted to be with your writing. take good care.
#11
This was absolutely wonderful. The last three lines were awesome, I just felt like it didn't flow like the rest of the last stanza did. Maybe change the line breaks around? I think it's the "about where we head" that gets me, just sounds funky.

But overall, one of the top three poems I've ever read on UG. Good job.
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#12
Mathieu! glad to hear you made it down there alive. hope the trip's gone wonderfully so far. thank you and thank you for commenting. It means a whole lot.

thanks so much for all the thoughts. the reassurance etc. is more than appreciated, especially right now.
Dylan, I'll try to avoid thinking about being 30 for the time being. sounds like a bit much. Thanks for the comments man.

I don't think I ever caught your name, mr. spitonastranger, though I feel like I've seen you posting a fair amount.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me