#1
VERSE
No time to tell
Or explain the intention
No matter the words I say
You won’t likely pay attention
But even though
There are tough times ahead
You will make it through
And you’ll remember what I said

CHORUS
When I say hold on
Keep on, moving on
You have no where to go
Your light will be found
Stop running around
And enjoy the here and the now
Before everything is gone
And your time has run out

VERSE
Don’t sell yourself
For anything less than you're worth
Spend each and every day
Being the best when you’re at your worst
Choices we make
The path we will follow
Only time will tell
How far and how long you will fall now

CHORUS
And I say hold on
Keep on, moving on
You have no where to go
Your light will be found
Stop running around
And enjoy the here and the now
Before everything is gone
And your time has run out
Last edited by Mother Flame at Jul 5, 2011,
#2
I like this song a lot. For me, it feels like a light rock or pop song. I like the theme of the song, that its not about girls or money, but about things that matter. The second verse is my favorite part of the whole song, especially the first four lines.

A few things to work on:

In the first verse, the fourth line is a bit too wordy compared to the first three lines. You're going to be cramming words together trying to get it to flow. The last line is the same way, but that's ok because it can be sort of a prechorus.
The chorus is great, I can sing it all the way through with no problems. Great lyrics, too. I especially like "Enjoy the here and the now, before everything is gone." That being said, I think it should be "enjoy the here and now", as it flows just a bit better. Overall, though, great chorus.
The second verse, as I said, is my favorite. Couple of grammatical things, though. In "...anything less than your worth" "your" should be "you're", because you're saying "you are worth". Also, the weird backward apostrophe thingy in the last line should be removed. And speaking of the last line, that's the only real problem I see in that verse. It doesn't flow right. I think you should take out either "how far" or "how long". Personally, I think "How far you will fall now" sounds better and gives a better lyrical picture.

Overall, great song. It has a great message to it. Keep up the good work!
#3
I really appreciate the feedback man, that was great. I fixed the grammatical errors you mentioned. I've already got the song for these lyrics written though, so hopefully I'll be able to make a recording of it soon and post it up here. But thanks a lot for the reply.
#4
It sounds great! I can really picture it BIG! The whole 'flow' is just great!
There was just the one line 'Being the best when you’re at your worst' that seemed a bit out of place.
But great lyrics!
Keep up the great work!!!
#5
Thanks a lot guys! I'm working on a RHCP cover with some guys on these forums, but after I finish that I'll try to record this song.
#6
Sweet!! What song you thinking of covering?
I might post some of my work soon 2...
#7
This song has really great potential, but needs a little workshopping. Three2onE is right about

There was just the one line 'Being the best when you’re at your worst' that seemed a bit out of place.


And also right here

CHORUS
When I say hold on
Keep on, moving on
You have no where to go
Your light will be found
Stop running around
And enjoy the here and the now
Before everything is gone
And your time has run out


These parts are where the rhyming just doesn't fit. Unless it sounds better with a specific rhythm, it may benefit you to change or remove these lines.

Overall, though, fantastic song! I could see this as maybe a punk or a rock song in my opinion.
#9
I really have to record this one so you guys can see how it all fits together haha.

And for the Chili Peppers song, we're doing Can't Stop.
#11
Yeh I use to only write songs about girls and depression and such but I've really tried to expand my writing recently.
#15
I stand corrected!
It turned out great, wont be surprise if your song plays on the radio!!