#1
(inspired by Something_Vague and all these wonderful mythological references.)


blessed as Adam named Cassandra
and kissed her lips subsequently
pouring sweet asphyxiation
between her cracked cheeks,
they lay stunned ‘neath a sycamore tree
whose rings were just so that
they encircled them in protection
and yet would not allow them to leave;
in the apple that fell from William’s heights
made to rot the second it had hit the earth
would in other ways eventually return-
as if Sisyphus were made blind
to be exempt from the nature of his misfortune
told over and over, palms pressed upon his boulder
what would inevitably falter behind-
and the stem of each seedling of sand
shed from moving previous mountains
who underneath would paralyze by it
gifted with Knowing’s first poison bite, one would think
and yet cursed, without the power to realize it
be told again and again
of what is bound and what is binding
forever unwound, an oracle’s triple helix
by a missing link, constantly reminded.
Last edited by Sticky Tissues at Jun 24, 2011,
#4
I'm not very knowledgeable about most of the allusions that you're dropping but it's easy to tell that this is well-written. You have such a wide vocabulary and a willingness to create different atmospheres and aesthetics and that was one of the biggest thing I took away from this piece. That's something I feel I should apply myself so as to eventually step away from my comfort zone.

An area of suggestion I can direct to you is that I feel your final thought is a little long-winded and could use some pauses for the reader to collect himself and fully ingest what you're trying to say. Everything from "and the stem" to the end just felt a little too jammed together, and it was a little hard to follow. I think if you make that section breathe a little bit more this poem will be that much better for it.
here, My Dear, here it is
#5
haha thank you alan, subway and rd93. I definitely agree on the ending- I'm still trying to work it out. but thank you both for your kind words.
#7
Quote by AngryGoldfish
I'm Dan. cubs is Allan.



ahhhh! my apologies. you two are both wonderful people. damn usernames