#1
I don't know how I should word this. I feel like there's something wrong with me because I found out about an hour ago that my uncle died last night of a heart attack and I feel almost nothing. Maybe it's denial or I haven't had enough time to let in sink in, I don't know. I'm stuck away from home, where all my close friends and family are, for the next 2 weeks and it just feels eerie sitting here by myself with no one I feel comfortable talking to about this in person.
Those of you that have lost someone recently, how long did it take for what had happened to sink in? Anyone ever lost someone and feel nothing at all?
#2
Everyone deals with such situations differently and sometimes it takes longer to sink in than others. Don't worry yourself about it.

Sorry to hear about your uncle
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#4
It's been an hour, give yourself time.

When my dad had a heart attack right infront of me and i visited him in hospital, due to all the tubes etc, i was just like:

Where's my dad?

It takes a while to sink in, even if it's a few months.

While it happened i didn't really feel anything, and that's not bad a thing. To interpret it as so, is silly and doesn't really show the true colours of the human mind. Some people deal with it instantly, others shut themselves out the feelings, making it bearable to bare witness to. And that's all it is, it doesn't mean you don't love him, it just means that this is your natural way of dealing with it.

Essentially, remember the good times you shared with him, and let that be an end to it. Death doesn't have to be a sad experience, it can be a parade where you rejoice over the life that person lived and what they did - and to then carry on their memory and personality.
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#5
The emotions might not come right away for you, for some persons it takes time. I've lost a couple of family members and for me, it was different for different members. Sometimes i felt it right away, and some i didn't feel anything at all (and never has to this day).
It might also be that you are by your own, if you'd be with your family you might have felt something.
And, of course I'm sorry for your loss man really sucks, i hope your friends and family pull through asap.
#6
Were you close to this uncle at all?

Don't feel like you're obliged to feel something, or that you should try and feel upset. Not only does everyone react differently to such things, but also every death will make you react differently as they're all different people.
#7
I lost my best friend of 13 years last year. I travelled down the country to attend the funeral, in which I sat and felt nothing. I came home and still felt nothing. I still feel nothing to this day. I can only remember the good times, which shaped me into the person I am today.

As callous as it may seem, everyone dies, and no amount of mourning will bring them back. So my advice is this: Don't mourn their loss, celebrate their life instead.
Last edited by KarmasEnemy at Jun 26, 2011,
#8
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Were you close to this uncle at all?

Don't feel like you're obliged to feel something, or that you should try and feel upset. Not only does everyone react differently to such things, but also every death will make you react differently as they're all different people.

When I was younger, yes. In recent years not so much.
And thanks for all the responses.
#10
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As callous as it may seem, everyone dies, and no amount of mourning will bring them back. So my advice is this: Don't mourn their loss, celebrate their life instead.

+1
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#12
Like everyone has already said. you may not feel it right away or you may not feel anything at all but it doesn't make you a bad person it's just how you deal with death. I agree with someone above who said don't be saddened by death but celebrate the life and memories you had. I remember when my grandma died I didn't feel it right away but when I got in the shower that night....it hit me hard really hard man. Sorry to hear about your loss I hope your family and friends can pull through and remember the life your uncle had and the good memories.
#13
You will be in shock for awhile.

Reality hits after about 6 months or so(for me) once the shock of it wares off. Trust me, my uncle,grandmother, and grandfather all passed away last year. Pretty much a tornado of grief.
#14
It will sink in eventually. One day, you'll be a situation where someone's talking about him, and that's when you will start feeling really bad.
#15
When my grandma died I felt the same way,I really loved her but while in the funeral I was the only one not crying,everyone said to me "cry,let your sadness show" still I was not able to.I didn't even felt sad,maybe it's because of my philosophy on life or something but I was the same way,if it's because it didn't sink in,that was about 1 year ago and it still hasn't or probably it won't...IDK,thing is I was in the same situation and you don't have to feel bad about it,maybe you were just prepared for it or something,,anyways bro

#16
Think about how sad it will make your mother and sibilings. Think of her/them crying, sad they won't get to see him. He might not be close to you but he was probably close to other people you're close to. It's normal to not feel too terrible about people who aren't close to you, so don't feel too bad.
#17
I lost my aunt to leukemia last year and a distant grandmother had to have her urethra removed and her arm amputated because of the cancer she has. I feel sad after hearing such news, but I never cry about it. It's just how you deal with it. Take care.
Last edited by deluded_reality at Jun 26, 2011,
#18
when i lost my grandma i too felt nothing, i almost didnt care abt it rather. maybe thats cuz i had only seen her thrice in my entire life n wasnt that close to her but i still feel disgusted for not being sad, not even a bit. happens to a lot people, dont feel bad.
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#19
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, although it is really soon after you've got the news, so you're probably going to be stuck in that eerie, not-quite-real feeling experience for a little bit. I think something that makes a big difference in how you react is how emotional you are in day to day life. If you're usually stoic, then you might not ever have that raw outpouring of sadness.
My paternal grandmother died about 13 months ago, and granted, I didn't see her often and almost never "did things" with her, but I was never really broken up about it. Then again, neither were most of my uncles or dad, so maybe it's a hereditary type thing.

Just give it time to sink in, and if the sadness never really comes, then don't feel guilty about it, sometimes it just doesn't happen for people.

You have my condolences, though.
#21
Loss doesn't affect everyone in the same way. Some people take them really hard and some don't; everyone's different. Maybe you're just resilient and aren't affected as much as others. I'm basically the same as you

Read the section about the four trajectories of grief: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Bonanno

All of those are normal patterns of grief, so you have nothing to worry about.
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#22
We all deal with pain differently. It'll probably "hit" you at some point. My family cracks jokes and it's fantastic.

Good luck though.
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#23
I'm the same way TS.
My great-grandfather died a few months ago, and I felt and still feel nothing.
He was more of a father to me than my father was. I spent almost all of my time there as a little kid, and yet I feel nothing.
Death never effects me.
People deal with it different ways TS.
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#25
I'm pretty cold when it comes to people dying.


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#26
My Granny died when I was five. Six years later it sunk in and I spent a whole week away from school.



My emotions always follow on really late, which is actually usually a good thing.
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#27
Everyone deals with it different ways. When my grandparents died 26 days apart from each other, it didn't really hit me until about a week after grandpa died. Then it hit me hard enough to make up for it.
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#28
Your not hard or 'cold' - some people just cope 'better' than others, as far as others, or indeed themselves, can tell. Both can be wrong though.


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#29
My dad has a rather nasty stroke last week. I know how it feels. At first you cannot accept it and it feels like almost nothing has happened. But then my mum's tears set me off after she told me that the doctors didn't know if he would survive.

It was when i realised after picking his guitar up, that he would never play it again. That was when the sadness really hit me like a train.

This thread is depressing.
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Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Jun 26, 2011,
#31
I'm sorry to hear about your uncle.

Everybody's different. Some bawl their eyes out for ages. Some drink themselves to near oblivion. Some don't feel the impact until months, sometimes years later.

Just take it day by day. Don't bottle things up, that's the worst thing to do. Everything will come out over the next couple of weeks, especially at the funeral. My grandad died 3 weeks ago, the funeral was on Wednesday, I have not shed a single tear over it yet. I don't think it's hit me yet, and I don't know why. I think it's because I've been doing the old "shove it down, ignore it and never let it out" routine for so long I do it without realising.

It'll get better.
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#32
My dad died of a heart attack in december. It seems almost unbelievable at first, but you get used to the idea after a while.
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#33
I lost my grandpa almost a year and a half ago. I didn't cry until the funeral, over a week later. I still think about him and miss him though
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#34
I lost a friend last week and haven't shed a tear yet. It wasn't even expected. To be honest, I'm feeling pretty dreadful about it - I'm the type of person that wells up in particularly sad films/Glee, so to have not shed a tear over this I feel like a pretty horrible person.
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