#1
I started working on this piece yesterday, and have found myself writing something I am really falling in love with. I thought I'd post it on here to try and get some feedback. Anything critical will be very useful for me. I intend to record this in the next month or so to replace a sub-par track on my soon-to-be-released album. It's relatively simple, but I think it contains some of my better melodies and orchestral components. As a note, the song technical ends at bar 184, but I had an additional section I couldn't fit in the song. I will probably use it in another or alter it later.

Again, any feedback is great, especially if it's critical and useful. I will return the favor if you leave quality comments.

EDIT:

As a little note, I apparently have a little bit of extra bass to add to some of the latter parts. Also, there will be vocals so some of the repetition will not be as monotonous.
Attachments:
Asterism Carved Into Her Heart.gp5
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Last edited by Ulalume at Jun 28, 2011,
#3
As I listen:

You should really use an effect other than the soundtrack one; I don't like how that sounds.

I like the acoustic.

I like how that little riff keeps repeating on track 1 every 8 bars.

I also liked the melody that starts at bar 51.

The tremelo part was okay, but it seemed kind of unnecessary to me; maybe you could add in another instrument or something to improve it?

The quiet parts were okay, but feel like they could benefit from a stronger lead melody.

The 3/4 part was nice, but feels like it should lead into something.

My main complaint with this piece is that it doesn't really have a climax; you should really build into something.

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1413914
#4


Now. As I listen.

Love the beginning. Soundtrack is an amazing effect. So spacey. And the melody is as always, sublime.

First acoustic bit is amazing. Simple but very effective. I also like the subtle clean guitar leads that keep it active/from being monotonous. Adds some emotion too, I find.

That stocatto'd synth bass entering sounds so sci-fi I ****ing love it. Same goes for the synth strings; they add a nice depth and atmosphere to the song. And I love the continuous [more or less] clean guitar that keeps subtly changing while the acoustic is basically ambient. It's awesome how it's all just developed from a simple theme, I guess.

Tremolo picked part with French horn is just what this needed. Love how it builds up too with the synths. It's almost orchestral. It really reminds me of a less ambient Mono. It builds up just masterfully.

And the solo vocal break shapes up to sound incredible. As does how the simple guitar comes back. I always love when someone drops instruments out of a song in favor of a brief solo.

One thing I'll say is that the drums do get a bit monotonous when they enter. I dunno, I guess I'd like to hear something a bit more... Subtly active, I guess? Or something that's a bit faster/drives the song forward a bit more to the close? As is they just kinda enter and then the song ends seems a bit out of place is all.

That last bit thats not a part of the song is pretty sweet as well. I' eagerly await seeing what you can do with it.
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#5
Thanks for the comments guys.

My main complaint with this piece is that it doesn't really have a climax; you should really build into something.


I'm not sure I intend for it to really have a climax in a formal sense. It will be on an album, and make more sense on there, when it runs into the next song however.

Tremolo picked part with French horn is just what this needed. Love how it builds up too with the synths. It's almost orchestral. It really reminds me of a less ambient Mono. It builds up just masterfully.


I thought you would like and notice the Mono influence. I had them and the band Efterklang in mind as I wrote this. I specifically felt that switch from the acoustic cresendo section to the orchestral/tremelo section had Mono written all over it. The timpani/percussive qualities then came from the latter band.

I relistened as well, and understand where you're coming from with the latter drum section. I think I like it as it is sort of doomy (in that it is half or quarter time relative to the 8/8 section in the guitar). I did forget to add the bass though, which will also be in 8/8, so that will add some driving force. I may add some additional timpani as well to make the percussion more interesting and build up better though. Like I said to an earlier comment, it's not my intention to have a formal climax in this song though. For me the space theme sort of requires this song to have a "distant" climax. It's not "normal" to what people expect, but with a recording I think it will work out better and transition well into the next song (It will be this then "Dwarf Star Submerged in the Flood").
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