#1
Just a little something I've been messing with over the weekend. I've been listening to Opeth's Damnation and I think it shows.

I don't have a very extensive chord vocabulary, and bar 24 is pretty awful because of it. It's mostly due to the repetitive melody and I'm thinking of changing that but if someone can suggest a chord that'd be sweet !

All the instruments aren't composed and this is very much a work in progress but I just wanted to get some feedback.

PS: Mostly everything past bar 28 is random ideas that I probably won't end up included in the final song.
Attachments:
YES.gp5
#2
Yeah, you nailed it when you said you need to work on the chords. The strings and acoustic clash really badly at some points, 15 and 18 to be particular. Another problem I have is that it doesn't really develop so much, and the chord structure isn't quite interesting enough to keep the listener's attention for the whole time. Perhaps just add more variations on the same progression rather than having plain old arpeggiated chords?

I can see the obvious Opeth influence like you said, I must say I used to write songs like that , i.e. pretty much ripoffs of Opeth. They're still my favorite band, but I was able to find my own voice by just throwing away all preconceptions of what I expected to hear and just wrote. That first song that stepped away from the year or so of ripping off Opeth was probably the biggest musical milestone I've come upon, and I think you can try to break away from copying the styles of others just by letting it flow out naturally. Don't try to sound like anyone but you.

If you're curious, though, I actually did just recently write a really Opeth-influenced song just to see how I had improved as a songwriter after a while of writing in only my own style, if you want to take a look at it. It's Baron of Fog in my sig. I'd totally appreciate any words you could leave on it.
#3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J46RY4PU8a8

More than a little similar, since the first arpeggio is almost exactly the same. We all do this every now and then, it's no big deal. Also, the change at bar 15 sounded very much like one of the central chord changes in 'For the Love of God.'

And what's wrong with bar 24? Using standard chords isn't an inherently bad thing. I will say that the F chord at bar 28 sounded odd.

Other than the above, it sounded good and all, not much to complain about there.

From what you've got, I don't have much else to say. I'll be happy to expand once it's finished.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1452586
Last edited by guitar_jew at Jun 28, 2011,
#4
Quote by guitar_jew
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J46RY4PU8a8

More than a little similar, since the first arpeggio is almost exactly the same. We all do this every now and then, it's no big deal. Also, the change at bar 15 sounded very much like one of the central chord changes in 'For the Love of God.'

And what's wrong with bar 24? Using standard chords isn't an inherently bad thing. I will say that the F chord at bar 28 sounded odd.

Other than the above, it sounded good and all, not much to complain about there.

From what you've got, I don't have much else to say. I'll be happy to expand once it's finished.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1452586


Of all the Square RPG's that's the only one I've never played Upon further inspection the progression at bar 25 sounds like a section from Dream Theater's "Voices" as well.

My problem with bar 24 is that it just doesn't flow and just sounds odd going into the repeat. The F chord is accidental LOL I've only spent about 30 mins on this in total (mostly on the drums) so it's pretty sloppy

Thanks for the feedback though, and I'll check out some of your work when I have some time!
#5
Quote by Tarbosh
Yeah, you nailed it when you said you need to work on the chords. The strings and acoustic clash really badly at some points, 15 and 18 to be particular. Another problem I have is that it doesn't really develop so much, and the chord structure isn't quite interesting enough to keep the listener's attention for the whole time. Perhaps just add more variations on the same progression rather than having plain old arpeggiated chords?

I can see the obvious Opeth influence like you said, I must say I used to write songs like that , i.e. pretty much ripoffs of Opeth. They're still my favorite band, but I was able to find my own voice by just throwing away all preconceptions of what I expected to hear and just wrote. That first song that stepped away from the year or so of ripping off Opeth was probably the biggest musical milestone I've come upon, and I think you can try to break away from copying the styles of others just by letting it flow out naturally. Don't try to sound like anyone but you.

If you're curious, though, I actually did just recently write a really Opeth-influenced song just to see how I had improved as a songwriter after a while of writing in only my own style, if you want to take a look at it. It's Baron of Fog in my sig. I'd totally appreciate any words you could leave on it.


I've been listening to it off of my laptop's speakers so that could explain why I didn't notice the clashing (that could also explain any mixing problems). My main goal with this piece was to try and keep it simple as opposed to my more involved sludgy/atmospheric compositions, but I'll try and spice things up.

Thank you for the feedback!