#1
Really really really old. But I'm feeling these words


I was lifted from my guilt
But tears still fell, and blood still spilled
The war is over, and we've won
But I didn't want to hurt no one

The night is over, goodbye cruel world
We shout as all our dreams are hurled
Is it too sweet to finally win?
I just don't know what we did for this

Go to sleep now, and don't you cry
For I am here, look in my eyes
It may be hard to think ahead
But troubles leave when you lay in bed

Though I have nowhere to go
This word of mouth is all I know
I've learned to trust and I've learned to love
Now I just need to find someone

Kisses flow from lips to lips
The grasping of the fingertips
I wish that I could just be you
But that's something that I'll never do

So the night comes, and darkness fills
The room and I will lose my guilt
I dropped the bomb and the war is gone
I just pray I didn't hurt no one
#2
its good. the only problem i feel are the words "cruel world" in the 2nd verse, it just doesnt sound right to me. its kinda simple n thats exactly why i like it. keep on writing
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I write poetry
And it sucks.
#4
Unless you're using "no one" as a play on the double negative, I suggest changing both uses of it to "anyone". However, if you did intend to poke at the double negative, very clever.

Either way, I enjoyed it for the most part.
#5
Winter Sky, I don't understand what you mean "play on the double negative." I don't need the english lesson, I know what a double negative is and I know it's there, but I don't understand what you're referring to exactly, meaningwise, so to speak.

To clarify, yes, I know it says no one and is grammatically incorrect, and it MEANS "anyone," so it's wrong on two fronts. But incorrect grammar is substituted for the grammatically correct in popular songs all the time, and "anyone" doesn't fit in the flow of the song. "No one" does.

But I'm curious as to what exactly you think is clever with the intentional double negative, because its probably something I never thought of.
#6
What I mean is this: the use of "no one" could change the meaning from "I didn't want to hurt anyone" to "I didn't want to hurt no one" (or, "I DID want to hurt someone") which would have been rather clever.

Personally, I sacrifice flow for meaning and sound. If flow is more important to you, I can understand that, but it still bothers me when I read the line "I didn't want to hurt no one."
#7
it bothers me too, and if it were a more upbeat song, sacrificing flow would be a lot easier. but since the song is very laid back, to break the flow just makes it sound like what it is---broken. at least, thats my opinion