#1
*UPDATED V2. CHANGED SOME THINGS AROUND IN SUMERIAN RECORDS AND DJACKPOT SECTION*

Well I haven't posted anything for about 6 months now. Here it is:

A 1:30 long snippet of a (hopefully) long and epic song I'm working on. Don't really know how to describe it. I like it so far (and I find it hard for my work to impress me), but I feel that it kind of lacks polish and the transitions are kind of weird. I just want to get some opinions on it before I start working on it again. As for influences, I would say Born of Osiris (especially The Discovery), and I can't really think of anything else. It kind of has some djenty bits in it. It also somewhat reminds me of post-hardcore. So I'll now claim the genre of "postdjent".

Please be brutally honest, I want this to be perfect when I finish it.

C4C as always.
Attachments:
something.gp4
something.gp5
something.mid
somethingv2.gp4
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
Last edited by champayne at Jun 29, 2011,
#2
hard to get a real feel with midi but yeah it sounds epic. I particularly like the chords at the start.
#3
Wow this is amazing work. I'm being as honest as possible. The "Sumerian Records" part was the only thing that dragged it down, only because it's not absolutely top-notch like the other parts of the song. This is some pretty inspiring stuff right here. Please finish. Tanks.
#4
This was really good. I'm not having a problem with the transitions, but then again, most of my songs have bad transitions, so I don't know if you should take advice from me. :p
But as Mr Mustard said, it's probably just Sumerian Records that isn't awesome. At least the second part of it, it just kind of feels a bit messy, you know?
#5
Thanks for the crits so far!

Yeah, Sumerian was probably the most problematic. I think Extra 2's first part is poorly synced with the guitar, I thought it was kind of cool at first, but now it sounds really bad. Yeah, I think it sounds pretty messy at the end as well. I'll try to see what I can do there before I move on.

I also think it was a bad idea now to not sync up the kicks entirely with the guitars .
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
Last edited by champayne at Jun 29, 2011,
#7
Quote by CheesyMozarella
If you mean the thing that starts at bar 20, I think it fits pretty well.


I meant for the Sumerian Records part.
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
#8
Dude, this is great. I lol'd at 'Sumerian Records,' although in a solely listening context, that would probably be the weakest part. It works and all, but it doesn't compare to the other parts, which are all just mad genius. I LOVE the first riff.

All I can give in the way of suggestion is to repeat something very shortly after what you've got here, so the thing doesn't lose its direction and become a riff-fest. I wish I had more to say, but I don't.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1452586
#9
This is why I can hardly bare to come to this board anymore.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#10
Crit up in a sec guitar_jew.

And I'm glad you like it Burning_Angel . Though if you can leave an actual crit of why you "love" it so much that'll really help me out.
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
Last edited by champayne at Jun 29, 2011,
#11
The problem is, it is actually well done/well executed in the style.

The other problem is, I hate it, because I hate the style. It's boring/done to the moon and back and back to the moon again. Not to mention almost everyone on this board feels compelled to play the style even if it, by and large, is duller than shit.

Thus I cant really crit it because my bias colours my judgment, despite that for what it is, it's solid. In fact, way, way better than most due to the chords and use of atmosphere. It just disappointed me that after the admittedly awesome intro chord progression, it descends into the abyss of genericisms fast.

Some help I suppose? In the second section, the chords are interesting enough as is. No need to throw these superfluous flurries of notes into the "riff" [it's not a riff] behind it that dont add anything or help it, really. Same problem the harmony thing has in the Sumerian bit. I admit I hate that section anyway cause I hate everything to do with Sumerian records.

And the Djent thing at the end is also generic. I like the clean arpeggio though.

And for the love of ****ing christ/god/whatever deity you choose, get the **** out of G tuning. Tuning doesnt make heaviness, and in fact, anything lower than A pretty much sounds like ass [to these ears, anyway]. You might as well just pull a Necromantia and play [almost] everything on basses. It'd be more interesting that way anyway.

Which brings me back to my problem. Most of the issues I have with this are a result of personal preference/taste. My big issue with this type of music, which so permeates this board? Nothing in this style conveys anything that would make me want to hear it again. It conveys no emotion, to me. No chaos. No fear. No love, hate, depression, bliss, escapism/anti-modernism, loss, or whatever else you could possibly want to express in a song. All it really asks is that you play some chuggity chug rhythms with bursts of speed here and there and some "jazzy"/"fusion" influenced progression of notes. There's nothing progressive about that [but then, prog hasnt really been progressive since the 70s/80s], nor is there anything interesting or metal about that.

And that, djentlemen [ ], is why I can hardly stand to come here anymore.
/end rant, I'll get off my pedestal.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Jun 29, 2011,
#12
Yeah, I have a knack for overcomplicating things. And I used to play in C-Standard, so I tuned my 7-string the same 2 steps down. I actually tried to record some stuff through my interface and it sounds pretty nice actually at least in my opinion (I don't like to use a lot of bass in my guitars when I record them). Yeah, I guess there was no real "emotion", I was going for more theme and atmosphere. I can see where you are coming from and really appreciate any advice you can give. This is what constructive crits are about.
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
#13
When I try to open v2, it says that it's an invalid attachment.
When you saw me sleeping
thought I was dreaming
of you...


I didn't tell you
That the only dream
Is Valium for me
#14
Hmmm. I did remove it once and upload it again because I forgot to do something. I tried reuploading it again. See if it works.
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]