#1
Where am I
Why I am outside
What have I become
Someone that can't fight
Hands held high in vain
I knew that fate would show me pain
I've drowning in all my hate
I am hating the ones I love
Can this be the end of us

My world feels so far away
Is the darkness the only way to ease this pain

Confide in this thing I do not wish to own
The darkness of this path I'm walking home
My mind is held by what I cannot see
Before the dawn I'll walk to a closed door
It should hold the key to my tortured core

My hand is reaching
For the horizon beyond
My heart is searching
For some purity in wrongs
My eyes are closed but open
To everything that never ripens
Where's the beauty in it all
The colours have faded before
But now it's too distant to recall

I'm losing myself again
And all the past I can only resent

Confide in this thing I do not wish to own
The darkness of this path I'm walking home
My mind is held by what I cannot see
Before the dawn I'll walk to a closed door
It should hold the key to my tortured core

I believed all the lies
I believed once I could repent
Who will hear my hidden cries
Behind a mask I will live until the end
Give me a key to this closed door
I ask for just this little more
Behind this door
Show me who I live for

Confided in this thing I do not wish to own
The end of this path I've walked home
The key to this closed door before me
At the dawn this door shall be revealing
Who is the one I am living for


Trying out if anyone likes this type of writing... mostly people like happier songs more, but that's just NOT my style.... my apologies
C4C... deal?


I am friendly, so to anyone who is reading this... don't be afraid to comment and befriend me

P.S. You can be as harsh as you want when critisising... I enjoy the truth!!
#2
'Where's the beauty in it all
The colours have faded before
But now it's too distant to recall'

these are great lines, they communicate a lot to the reader, and do it rather quickly. Its enough and you don't even consider whether its too ambiguous or detailed - it just works.

I'll use this idea to critique your lyrics. You've got verses here, pre-choruses, choruses etc. but sometimes it doesn't really feel like you're saying anything. A lot of the stuff here are sort of blanket statements, things that are vague enough that anyone could have written them. I don't mean this in a harsh way, its just something you could consider. If you add a back story or maybe just a few brief images, nothing overdone just enough to communicate something then it will become a lot more personal and involving for us.

But just remember you don't have to even do what i'm saying, what i'm trying to get across is to be aware that you have many options that you can pull from. you don't have to signal any of them out, the point is that you have an extended vocabulary that can be used.

On another note, rhythmically this is pretty spot on, has a bounce that flows well, there's a few clunky lines here and there but nothing major. take care.