#1
PLEASE COMMENT!!!!!!!!

(verse1)
stop, dont tell me to stop,
why should i listen to you,
when you lock me away,
i cant see the day,
i see the night,
just get out of my face,
get out of my sight,
cause i dont think i could trust you,
like i should do,
maybe its better that i go,

(chorus)
i hate it when,
the things you tell me to,
are the things i dont wanna do,
im being pushed by your force,
your gravitys pulling me down,
and it feels like your my commander,
but your not my commander.

(verse 2)
walk, dont tell me to walk,
why should i waste my energy,
by doing something,
which is nothing,
it pointless,
and i cant get out,
from this difficult mess,
which i cant possibly do,
because of you,
please let me go.

(chorus)

(verse 3)x4
dont tell me to stop, walk and talk,
dont care,
dont give a damn,
dont give a f***.

(bridge)
yeah well maybe its time you let me go,
your holding me for longer,
is gonna make me stronger,
cause im taking your power, your strength, you hate,
im turning it around,
its gonna worsen your fate.

(chorus)x3
#2
Hmmm. I think you should have another go at writing something like this. Its pretty crap.
Its all cliche teenage angst, which is fine if you're going to be a bit different about it, or even just a little more subtle but this... My god. I'll kindly list the lines that need to be changed right now. (All of it needs to be changed to be honest, but these a the worst of the worst)

1. i cant see the day,
i see the night,
just get out of my face,
get out of my sight,

The first two lines I get. Its a poor way of saying "I don't feel good, I feel bad." Unless your father is Josef Fritzl. The second two you repeat yourself, just with different words.

2. by doing something,
which is nothing,
it pointless,
and i cant get out,
from this difficult mess,

This was ALMOST the worse. I remember the time I was stuck in a "difficult mess" and I thought to myself "If I ever write a song about this, I will make sure that I don't call it a difficult mess".

3. dont tell me to stop, walk and talk,
dont care,
dont give a damn,
dont give a f***.

BIN IT.

4. cause im taking your power, your strength, you hate,
im turning it around,
its gonna worsen your fate.

Its going to worsen your fate? For some reason, I feel like that barely makes sense.

and finally...
5.
and it feels like your my commander,
but your not my commander.

Come on man! Is this the BEST you can do? You can do better.

This looks like a fledgling attempt so you can be forgiven for all. Keep at writing because you can only get better. Sorry if you feel I've been harsh, but I feel that blah blah blah I'm bored in work and don't have money for cigarettes.

Keep writing, use a thesarus, be inventive, don't write for the sake of it, don't write the same way other people have done (In your case it seems like Simple Plan and Linkin Park stood over you and did a big emo circle jerk.)

Have a good day.
You take my place in the showdown, I observe with a pitiful eye. I'll humbly ask you forgiveness, a request well beyond you and I.
#3
If you're going to write something and share it, understand that what you hear might be bitter medicine. Consider Bag'ed your doctor. I'll be your pharmacist. One follows the other, after all.

You suffer from angst. This is a common affliction, especially amongst people your age. What Bag'ed is prescribing might be harsh and difficult for your system to take, but it's for the better. Please heed your doctor's directions. The suggestions given are solid. From the start, it's clear that your condition has afflicted your ability to type properly. Revise with a clearer mindset. The illness of lacking specificity is easily countered - you need to get stronger. Take what you have, make people able to relate to it, ???, and profit. Your angst seems to be causing fatigue and a bad mood. Teenagitis (the inflammation of self-importance caused by being a teenager and thus more self-aware than previously) is a terrible affliction in that regard. As time heals all wounds, the ol' grandfather clock will take care of that. Your chorus is ambiguous enough to be taken as either a sufferer of a sickness or someone taking medicine. Either way, you need it.

It's easy to say, "I'm angry, and I'm going to make you regret it!" That holds the gravity of saying, "I ate a hamburger." Make people care.

Remember: Your crit-immune system is weak as you're still young, and you're going to need a few battles to make it hardier. Keep writing, and keep living. If it makes you feel better, I wrote a ska/punk song called "Jesus Loves You, But You're A F&#$in' Prick" when I was 14. It was terrible.
I am a fake mountain.