#1
Here's my obscure(?) death metal composition. I used stream of consciousness method when composing this. I just played riffs that came into my mind and then just builded the entire song from those riffs.

So, I would like to know at least these things:
1) Does the song flow?
2) Does it hold the listener's interest for the entire span of the composition?
3) If there is something I should change, what it would be?
4) Does the song sound original/unoriginal, why?

I hope that You can help me to deliver my ideas even further!
Attachments:
deathmetal1.gp4
deathmetal1.zip
Last edited by ironmaidendude at Jul 5, 2011,
#2
The song was a little slow. The first two riffs played were good, but on the repeat, it started to get a little boring. Maybe introduce a riff at a higher tempo. The riffs all sound decent though, it's pretty unique sounding in my opinion.
#3
Gorguts anyone? I kind of see some influences from Obscura in here, the high chord notes and the muted string tapping, also the use of dissonance. Will give a better crit later, cba atm.
Quote by slapsymcdougal
I'm cockblocked regularly by my appearance and personality.
#4
I actualy think its pretty good song.Maybe cause im into that kind of weird riffings or maybe something else but i like it.Maybe a little bit more intense and some blast beating into the song would be good.Also try to think of something different about the second part that repeats the begining cause it gets a little bit of boring.Thats for now if i think something il write it
Last edited by Imm0rtal at Jun 30, 2011,
#5
Quote by Mean Mr Mustard

The song was a little slow. The first two riffs played were good, but on the repeat, it started to get a little boring. Maybe introduce a riff at a higher tempo. The riffs all sound decent though, it's pretty unique sounding in my opinion.

Thanks man! I try to think some improvements for that part.

Quote by Ometh

Gorguts anyone? I kind of see some influences from Obscura in here, the high chord notes and the muted string tapping, also the use of dissonance. Will give a better crit later, cba atm.

Yeah, I noticed that too, but I tried to add my own touch to this song. I hope you give me better crit soon!

Quote by Imm0rtal

I actualy think its pretty good song.Maybe cause im into that kind of weird riffings or maybe something else but i like it.Maybe a little bit more intense and some blast beating into the song would be good.Also try to think of something different about the second part that repeats the begining cause it gets a little bit of boring.Thats for now if i think something il write it

Thanks! In which parts I should add blasts?
#6
I agree somewhat with Ometh, as it's a kinda straight-laced version of later Gorguts material. Perhaps that subtle difference is the "touch" that you're talking about. I got a slight impression of some of BTBAM heavier moments as well during the bar 149 riff.
Those minor second runs remind of one of their newer songs, if it isn't identical to it (at least melody wise).

The repeat of the original 2 riffs is a bit grating in midi form, but that tends to happen. An actual recording might help with memorability and accessibility of that section.
If you are to add any blast beats, I figure that they would work best on said sections. This could definitely pique the listeners interest, as straight repetition can get a bit obnoxious.

I do like the ideas presented here, as I've always like that Gorguts sound. I'm not so much into metal any more, but there is something intriguing about disgusting, discordant "noise".
You did a good job in capturing that without imitating Gorguts too much. All it needs is some polish to really distinguish it.
#7
Quote by huevos
I agree somewhat with Ometh, as it's a kinda straight-laced version of later Gorguts material. Perhaps that subtle difference is the "touch" that you're talking about. I got a slight impression of some of BTBAM heavier moments as well during the bar 149 riff.
Those minor second runs remind of one of their newer songs, if it isn't identical to it (at least melody wise).

The repeat of the original 2 riffs is a bit grating in midi form, but that tends to happen. An actual recording might help with memorability and accessibility of that section.
If you are to add any blast beats, I figure that they would work best on said sections. This could definitely pique the listeners interest, as straight repetition can get a bit obnoxious.

I do like the ideas presented here, as I've always like that Gorguts sound. I'm not so much into metal any more, but there is something intriguing about disgusting, discordant "noise".
You did a good job in capturing that without imitating Gorguts too much. All it needs is some polish to really distinguish it.

Thanks! That was really helpful. I'm quite surprised you mentioned BTBAM, because I've actually never really listened to them (some songs only).

BTW: You can edit the tab and post it here if you want.
#8
There are two big problems with it. The biggest one is that it's too damn long. It felt like it was never going to end about 80 bars in. On the second listen, I could see the structure a little better, but the thing still drags on. The second is that the drums have all the energy of a 94 year old man on life support- little to none.

The riffs are fine, nothing groundbreaking as far as deathmetal goes, but the guitar parts were good fun. The first main idea though, those four note chords- the bottom note isn't necessary. Just goofing around, I tried changing them to see how it sounded, and with said changes, the riff sounded exactly the same.

For the drums, vary them up. You only use a bass drum, a snare, and a couple cymbals throughout, and the drums sound very dry for it. Put in some fills to transition in some places, and maybe make some of the drum parts less straightforward. A little subtlety goes a long way in any genre of music.

The riff at 150 doesn't fit at all, IMO. It's so vastly different from the other parts of the song that I thought you'd put two separate songs into the same guitar pro file. The one after it, the trem. picked intervals was alright, I can tell that MIDI doesn't do it justice.

The outro doesn't work well at all, IMO. Also too different from the rest of the thing. The piece could very easily be improved and made into a very enjoyable death metal work, although it's nothing anyone hasn't heard before. It's not nearly as bad an offender on the generic as a good bit of metalcore gets.

Sorry if I've sounded like a dick, it's 6:30 in the morning and I got no sleep, so I might be a bit cranky- it's not intentional. C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1452586

EDIT: Apparently I say 'doesn't do x at all, IMO' a lot. That's that early morning sleeplessness for you.
Last edited by guitar_jew at Jul 5, 2011,
#9
Quote by guitar_jew
There are two big problems with it. The biggest one is that it's too damn long. It felt like it was never going to end about 80 bars in. On the second listen, I could see the structure a little better, but the thing still drags on. The second is that the drums have all the energy of a 94 year old man on life support- little to none.

The riffs are fine, nothing groundbreaking as far as deathmetal goes, but the guitar parts were good fun. The first main idea though, those four note chords- the bottom note isn't necessary. Just goofing around, I tried changing them to see how it sounded, and with said changes, the riff sounded exactly the same.

For the drums, vary them up. You only use a bass drum, a snare, and a couple cymbals throughout, and the drums sound very dry for it. Put in some fills to transition in some places, and maybe make some of the drum parts less straightforward. A little subtlety goes a long way in any genre of music.

The riff at 150 doesn't fit at all, IMO. It's so vastly different from the other parts of the song that I thought you'd put two separate songs into the same guitar pro file. The one after it, the trem. picked intervals was alright, I can tell that MIDI doesn't do it justice.

The outro doesn't work well at all, IMO. Also too different from the rest of the thing. The piece could very easily be improved and made into a very enjoyable death metal work, although it's nothing anyone hasn't heard before. It's not nearly as bad an offender on the generic as a good bit of metalcore gets.

Sorry if I've sounded like a dick, it's 6:30 in the morning and I got no sleep, so I might be a bit cranky- it's not intentional. C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1452586

EDIT: Apparently I say 'doesn't do x at all, IMO' a lot. That's that early morning sleeplessness for you.

Yeah, you may be right. Thanks anyway!