#1
I don't usually post my lyrics here, but why not.


sleep. well. sleep. well. sleep.


woke up to find no relief
in the sheets I’d written on
or slept underneath

all the empty spaces crease
where we tucked in our bodies
but left out our feet

see there’s never enough wool blanket to cover
one entire form never mind each other
when the outline of one another
is the shadow encapsulating your lover

chorus
and there’s no hope
for the blessed
if there’s no rest
for the wicked
so why do I try

when all I seem to do is lie
then lay awake with the truth at my side
that stays so silent through the night
while I toss and turn in restless pillow fights

see the sandman didn’t come for me
so I guess I’ll take the man in the moon’s
prescription seeds

down it with a glass of sea water
while the fever dreams
run my forehead hotter

chorus

to lay my head back down
when I know my brain won’t
settle down
like a little child with too much to say
and throws a fit ‘til he gets his way
but I’m so sick and tired of it
that I let him stay/
the night

chorus
#2
The chorus irks me because of the phrase "no rest for the wicked". Not only is it cliche, but it doesn't sound good to me. I'd change the word "wicked" to any word that gets the same message across.

Other than that, I really like this. A lot of cool imagery and interesting ways to describe not being able to sleep.
#3
I've been debating whether or not to crit this, because I am not confident that I will have a useful thought to lend, but I think I shall try.
Oftentimes I feel that your creativity is just barely out of my reach. That being said......

"then lay awake with the truth at my side
that stays so silent through the night"
I overlooked these lines at first, but with a closer look, they really stood out to me.

I also appreciated greatly how effortlessly the chorus flows into the verses.

down it with a glass of sea water
while the fever dreams
run my forehead hotter

Somehow the way water rhymes with hotter just distracts me.

Great piece!
Last edited by leilalauren at Jul 2, 2011,
#4
Really, really well written verses, though not too sure about the chorus. It seems a bit out of place, and as somebody already mentioned, the cliche does sorta irks me a bit too. Just my opinion though.
Conor
#5
I appreciate the comments, guys. if I may shed some light on the cliche chorus, there actually is a method to the madness.

the whole idea behind the chorus is that if there isn't any hope for the blessed (to sleep or otherwise, get rested, be content), then there sure as hell isn't any for the wicked. that when you're tossing and turning at night, trying to sleep, all of the things that are on your mind swim to the surface, all the bad things you've done, and you turn into the wicked. its turning the phrase's original meaning, being that of there never being any rest for the wicked (their work never being done) and therefore those who are good in the world can't stop either, and turns it into a self conflicting statement about insomnia.