#1
crit4crit
SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST

I'm deep within the jungle
Searching for the American dream
Burning down the rainforest
And getting drunk off gasoline.
Now it looks just like an empty lot
Everything beautiful is gone
But perhaps the carcasses
Will help fertilize my lawn.

The Devil has his picture
On the cover of a magazine,
And God's obituary was
In a paper that no one reads.

I'll cut my lawn with the sharpest blade
'Cause snakes are lying in the grass
So much dirt and blood on my palms
From shaking their phantom hands.
But a man has to hunt
To put a meal on his table
No one's going to feed your family
They'll snatch their plates if they are able.

The Devil has his picture
On the cover of a magazine,
And God's obituary was
In a paper that no one reads.
#2
Refrain is fantastic. Not too keen on the rhyming (not ever keen on rhyming), but it's not forced very much, so it's alright, I suppose. I couldn't stop thinking of all the documentaries and movies I've seen on Vietnam. I don't know if that was what you were going for, but that's what I saw.

Overall, well done, mate.
#3
Very Nice! .. Especially like the way the chorus flowed and the picture it created.
Only thing I found to sound a little off was the last line on the first verse. cant really put my finger on why, but if it sounds good to you then thats all that matters other than that I think it flowed very nicely and definatly painted a vivid picture!

Thanks for the crit on mine!