#1
little girl dont turn on the lights
im too afraid of what i might find
a lifeless body in the middle of the room
with that silver dagger stuck in your womb

well i dont know who i am anymore
ive become accustomed to changing faces
but im finding it hard to breath
beneath all this plastic covering me

ill try for the shore line
but heres hoping for a storm
to come find and throw me over board
#2
avoid too much rhyme, and make it approprate. i always think if my song gets published (which it never will) is it appropriate to everyone?
#3
This is good, though there are a few lines I feel are a little off. Silver dagger stuck in your womb is a tad disturbing.

however, Love the lines "I'll try for the shore line, but here's hoping for a storm" just them lines there were enough to make me want to comment.
#4
thanks frontman, but woodery.... i get what your saying but im not too fond of changing things to fit "radio standards"? since i will never be on the radio
#5
nah but im jus saying if your song gets sung to an audience.....
and i meant that line was a tad disturbing aswell. thats wot i meant 2 change sorry i dodnt make myself clear