#1
Hey guys, another song here. I wrote this in the car so it may not be fantastic but I thought it painted a picture. Any opinions? And just a reminder, I am only 15 just starting to writing originals. Any criticism is always welcome

VERSE 1
He was wearing a shirt
And a tie that I sent him when*
He turned nineteen
With that little coffee stain
As he walked to me
I realized*
He was going to talk to me
For the first time
Since he turned nineteen

Chorus
It's been years he said
But come dance with me
If you wish*
And there I was
In his arms again
Ten years later*
My happiness is back*
Like birds and bees*
You're dancing with me

Verse 2
Oh how I've missed this
You and me together again*
Dancing on the beach*
No one to disturb but*
The waves and trees*
The birds and bees

Chorus
It's been years he said
But come dance with me
If you wish*
And There I was
In his arms again
Ten years later*
My happiness is back*
Like birds and bees*
You're dancing with me

Verse 3
I remember that first kiss
On the playground in*
Third grade
We were as close as birds to bees
Then you left me
Alone in the cold Southern air
No one to hold me but*
the birds and bees

Bridge
Then you stopped
Got down on a knee
Asked for a chance
To dance again like
The birds and bees*

Chorus
It's been years he said
But come dance with me
If you wish*
And There I was
In his arms again
Ten years later*
My happiness is back*
Like birds and bees*
You're dancing with me

You're dancing with me


Thanks everyone for any criticism you may have
Last edited by MissyBee123 at Jul 2, 2011,
#2
Hey! i'm glad to hear you're just 15 and you write this good and here is a tip don't repeat sometihing again and again coz it sounds good coz overdoing somethiung makes it more messed up and ugly keep on writing and rocking gurl...TAKE CARE