#1
Not my best work.

Still on the process of writing this song, but please tell me what you think so far. When I have more, I'll post it on this thread. Sorry it's in caps, that's how I wrote it and I just cut and pasted it.

Since it's unfinished, it's about 2 people, a man and a woman, from the POV of the man, who are considered outcasts and are trying to be accepted into society.

BREAK YOUR FALL

VERSE:
THEY'RE CLOSING IN FAST
WAITING TO ATTACK
WAITING FOR US
TO TURN OUR BACKS

DON'T GIVE IN
JUST STAND TALL
AND IF YOU TRIP
I'LL BREAK YOUR FALL

CHORUS:
DEGRADED NO MORE
WE'RE FADED FOR SURE
BUT WE'LL BE ALRIGHT
ONCE WE EVEN THE SCORE

ALL WE NEED IS A PLAN OF ATTACK
AND I PROMISE YOU WE'LL MAKE IT BACK
AND WHEN WE GET OVER THAT WALL
I PROMISE YOU I'LL BREAK YOUR FALL
#3
to me it puts up an image of a boot camp love. i'm not quite sure why, that's just the odd way my mind works i guess haha.
i quite like it, though the first time i read it it felt like someone was screaming at me, again, the way my mind works, it's not really a subject many people write about, which is why i think it's good.
#4
well i have playing on my netbook two chords on a tempo of 127 on www.jamstudio.com repeating and they seem nicely to this. i composed this for one of my songs but i will give it to you. i only tried it on the laste verse. D A D A D A repeated abd have the classic guitar and piano playing
#6
i can definitely hear this in the style of sum 41. Lyrically the song is quite solid and catchy at this point but i cant help but feel like its missing something. I DO feel like it could be the music though because i've written many songs along the lines of this that i think need something else and then something just happens on guitar that makes it all make sense. Either way, i like it, can't wait to hear a demo or see any revisions.
Last edited by MurphysLaw at Jul 3, 2011,
#9
Its not bad, but its just kind of bland. But if I were you I'd finish it.

And, I can also see this being a Sum 41 song.
Guitars:
-Gibson Les Paul Custom Shop Silverburst (Invader/'59)
-Fender Standard Telecaster HH Black (SH-5/'59)
-Fender Standard Stratocaster HH White (Nazgul/'59)
-Austin Guitars Les Paul Goldtop Copy (Distortion/'59)
-Ovation ApplauseAE44II Elite Black Acoustic


Amps/Cabs
-Peavey 6505+
-Peavey Stereo Chorus 2x12 Combo
-Behringer Ultracoustic ACX450 1x8 Acoustic Combo
-Marshall MX2x12 Cabinet


Wayyyyy too many effects pedals...
#12
It's really only fair to have one thread per user on the front page. Seeing as you don't like this anyway, I'm closing it. You can request to have it opened at any time once it has past the front page.