#1
This is my first time ever posting on this forum. I think I'm just starting to get past writing bad lyrics and I want to see what other people think. Any suggestions, criticism or whatever else is very appreciated. Be honest please, not nice.

I'm on top of the world
I'm scared and alone
And I want to go home
Back on the ground
Please help me down
I'm screaming your name
Please hear me now

My heart is half empty
Without you
I'm not trying to be a pessimist
There's just something I'm missing
And I don't feel whole
When I'm on my own
Can't you make me feel alive
Take me into your arms

I'm on top of the world
I'm scared and alone
And I want to go home
Back on the ground
Please help me down
I'm screaming your name
Please hear me now

My life isn't quite right
Without you
I'm just trying to be an optimist
But it's something I'm faking
And it feels so wrong
To lie for so long
Can't you make me feel alright
Take me into your arms

I'm on top of the world
I'm scared and alone
And I want to go home
Back on the ground
Please help me down
I'm screaming your name
Please hear me now

Living without you
It feels so hard and I'm so sober
It's a new feeling
To be missing my hangover
Everyone's so proud of me
Why do I hate myself
I feel like I should belong
To someone else
So please take me into your arms

Please hear me now
Please take me now
So please hear me now
And take me into your arms


PS. It looked shorter on Notepad.
#2
that's pretty good actually!

do you have a melody yet? is the song ready?


anyway, in this part:

1- Living without you
2- It feels so hard and I'm so sober
3- It's a new feeling
4- To be missing my hangover
5- Everyone's so proud of me
6- Why do I hate myself
7- I feel like I should belong
8- To someone else
9- So please take me into your arms

the first 4 lines seems to be talking about one subject, and 5-9 about something else.

i would change that.
Last edited by vitorlp at Jul 3, 2011,
#3
I've still got to pitch this song to my band but for a vocal melody I've got a rough idea of how it goes.
I think I could probably cope with changing 5-9 although there is a link in my head. I'll see if anyone else makes the same observation, it's still early days anyway. Thanks for the advice