#1
I'm sorry to say
that you'll never see her again
but she'll see you

I take the blame
for all your severed limbs
I really do

She sees you every night
she loves you every night
but she needs it every hour
and she can't put up a fight

We're drowning in the air
We're drowning in the air
We're drowning in the air
We're drowning in the air

She just wants to feel loved
she just wants to breathe
she never will

Now she's grinding down her bones
and no matter how we plead
she's won't stay still

She sees you every night
she loves you every night
but she needs it every hour
and try as we might

We're drowning in the air
We're drowning in the air
We're drowning in the air
We're drowning in the air

She wouldn't even recognize you
she wouldn't even know
if you were dead

She doesn't care about you
at least not until
she's fed

She thinks that she's surrounded
she doesn't know it's all
in her head

Now all our last bridge is burning
and our sheets are turning
red

We're drowning in the air
and I can't help but feel
It's hardly fair
after all we've had to steal

We're drowning in the air
We're drowning in the air
We're drowning in the air
We're drowning in the air

We're drowning in the air
I hope our last words reflect how
we're ensnared
no hopes to stay afloat now

We're drowning in the air
We're drowning in the air
We're drowning in the air
We're drowning in the air
Last edited by herby190 at Jul 4, 2011,
#2
Hi Herby,

I really like this, I found it easy to find the flow of the lyrics and the meaning behind them wasn't to obvious, giving it a nice sense of depth and emotion.

I like the idea of "we're drowning in the air" it reminds of a song I once wrote with a similar meaning, using that feeling of not being able to catch your breath.

I did begin this song from a standard rock/acoustic point of view, however the lines "for all your severed limbs" and "she's grinding down her bones" instantly changed that to a much heavier feel.

Either way I really enjoyed it, and believe this could be/is a potential crowd pleaser.
#3
I felt like this was underdeveloped. It seemed to drag on without really going any further than the bare minimum... like a 20 page story written by a third grader. The narrative was only worthy of a few stanzas here... and you kept scraping butter over the toast until it was just soggy bread.

Though repetition can be a strong technique... here it didn't deliver much... it just got in the way. It mostly came from the fact that the phrase you're repeating 300 times here is a bland... it's hardly specific or moving within the framework.

The other problem I had with this is that it is so boring. It's generic... it's uninspired. There are bits and pieces that flash toward brilliance... a vague illumination of the outline of character, but on the whole this sits in a safe haven of generalities, without ever stepping out to explore the great beyond. That great beyond is something only you can describe to me... but you chose to sit in downtown Nowheresville and describe to me the same park that every man can describe. Sure you did it in different words... but I didn't finish reading and think, "wow, now I want to see more... now I want to see what he sees." I finished and thought, "yep, I read that."

Those were my thoughts. Cheers.

If you feel like returning: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=27582565#post27582565
Last edited by ZanasCross at Jul 4, 2011,