#1
Sort of a minor key mid tempo rocker. Crit appreciated.

The air is shimmering tonight
Gearing up for a fight
Let's make the night last the rest of our lives

Stand atop the minaret
Be the knife inside the net
No regrets if you are not the savior

Ch.
Won't you be my
Won't you be my
Won't you be my significant soldier

Cleanse your hands in the ground
Try not to make a second sound
And if you've found your peace the battle's just begun

Down the rocky moonlit slope
Halfway down we lose the rope
If you can't cope with falling to the valley floor
Then no more

Ch.

Br:
And as the battle's lost and won
In the minds of your loved ones
You can see the stars fall slowly down
And in the valley far below
The seeds we planted start to grow
And the trees are blue like ice in the eyes of a hound

The air is shimmering tonight
The moon is shining much too bright
But we still fight shouting out our names

Ch.
#2
Quote by kaptkegan
Sort of a minor key mid tempo rocker. Crit appreciated.

The air is shimmering tonight
Gearing up for a fight
Let's make the night last the rest of our lives

Stand atop the minaret
Be the knife inside the net
No regrets if you are not the savior

I definitely like rhymes like this and I really like the word shimmering. No real problems here. Maybe try setting the scene in a little more detail. It's always nice to have a clear picture painted early on.

Ch.
Won't you be my
Won't you be my
Won't you be my significant soldier

I use this format quite a lot myself (one phrase repeated in some way and then concluded at the last moment) and think it would work well for a rockish song especially. Good stuff, and I think "significant soldier" brings something new and meaningful to a very common idea.

Cleanse your hands in the ground
Try not to make a second sound
And if you've found your peace the battle's just begun

Down the rocky moonlit slope
Halfway down we lose the rope
If you can't cope with falling to the valley floor
Then no more

Not the biggest fan of the first three lines here, they don't really add anything to the piece in my opinion. Except the second line which could be okay with "second" replaced. On the other hand, "Down the rocky moonlit slope, Halfway down we lose the rope" is perfect in every way, seriously awesome imagery/rhyme. Works very well.

Ch.

Br:
And as the battle's lost and won
In the minds of your loved ones
You can see the stars fall slowly down
And in the valley far below
The seeds we planted start to grow
And the trees are blue like ice in the eyes of a hound

The air is shimmering tonight
The moon is shining much too bright
But we still fight shouting out our names

I generally try not to use "and" more than once in a phrase, but it fits nicely here I think. The last simile is a little weak to me, It's also the first indication of night (as well as moon later on) so I think the comparative could have been stronger and more realistic. "But we still fight shouting out our names" Rounds it off nicely though. Top stuff man. It could be improved a little, but it's still pretty good stuff.

Ch.


Cheers for the reply dude, and keep writing!