#1
See the beautiful words of a song floating by over an inlet cove;
along with myself, the young couple sleeping below
are impossibly alive on this southernmost Spanish cape.

Beyond the beaches which hold the healing blue
are hills which have escaped the human touch,
and out of us, only I can relate.
As they sleep tangled in the Mediterranean's wake,
I lean heavily on a spirit, or an apparition,
or a disembodied voice telling me how I should feel
in a moment like this.

Eyes like caves, the glare of fair skin
burning somewhere under this sun;
you once told me one sad and anxious night
how the physical wasn't everything,
how there were so many more depths to explore
and feelings to explain.

Yet even when one of my senses
was stripped away, the others weren't heightened.
I sit atop this cliff as the waves hum in open air,
my heart comes bounding back in echoes
and tells me that something is there-
though it isn't mine.

And the ghost inside tells me to feel grateful
to be here and hurt and alive.
here, My Dear, here it is
#2
This had to be written.

To be perfectly honest, it sounds like a mystery novel set somewhere on the apparently barren New England coast, love pining and ghosts floating contempt and peace to pining lovers lost.

'the others weren't heightened' is dull in comparison to the introspective language that surrounds it. the negative kills the tone.

'which' repeated in just a few words in the second strophe is a little awkward. I feel like the second could disappear to 'that' or even get rid of "which have" and leave it alone.

this is very, very different from what I remember of your previous work. it's a little openhearted, not quite in a wristcutter sort of way but unpolished vulnerable.
#3
This is the sort of thing I wish I had the attention span and open-mindedness to write. The imagery and openness of this piece are wonderful, and none of the ideas felt out-of-place or underdeveloped. Great work.
#5
Thanks for reading and for leaving the kind words everyone. I appreciate it. Spike, thanks for the suggestions. I think you're right about them
here, My Dear, here it is
#6
"Eyes like caves, the glare of fair skin/
burning somewhere under this sun;" and "I lean heavily on a spirit, or an apparition,
or a disembodied voice telling me how I should feel
in a moment like this." were both great. A very good piece overall
#7
This a delicately beautiful piece - it was a pleasure to read.
The forth stanza was the most powerful for me, especially
my heart comes bounding back in echoes
and tells me that something is there-
though it isn't mine.


You are one of my favorite writers.