So going for something like Rhubarb?

Tone wise:
I think you should move into some less muddy VSTs. It'll make everything sound so much sweeter! You don't have to dial it all out, it just needs more clarity. There's a lot of freeware stuff good for this; I think chimera is a VST you ,might want to look into.
*cough http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeHikiAguXQ *
The lead line needs a voice that's easier to differentiate from the repeating riff
(otherwise it gets muddy).

Composition wise:
Nothing wrong here. It goes back to variants in tone to keep it interresting which really needs to be done by VSTs and editing.

Hope I'm not putting out duff opinions for ya.. it's what I think might give it a boost.
There's a good chance that what I've written above is useless and if you take any of the advice it's your own fault.
thanks for replying.

Yes in the style of rhubarb.
Not too much I hope? Didn't want to copy it.

So if i work on the tone, this would be a nice track?
did you enjoy listening to it?

Edit: i can't seem to run those programs :s
Last edited by toine at Jul 5, 2011,
This is pretty nice! I agree with the VST sounding a little muddy. I think it may be partly to do with your chord voicing - maybe try something a little less dense and layered to give the mix a bit more room to breathe. Since it's quite a sparse track, it doesn't necessarily need to be heavily layered to have an impact.

I'd like to hear you expand on this a little, there are so many places you could go with it. It's a beautiful intro.

I posted some stuff up recently, if you feel like checking it out.

A dwarf might hear you. What then?

My Music
I really enjoyed this song, Its something I would play on my ipod, lay down and drift off. My songs are metal so you dont have to crit them if you dont want cause its a way different genre, but your welcome to if you would like. I just wanted to say that this is pretty sick and I really liked it haha keep it up

My song: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1458351
thanks for the comments.
Timi_hendrix can you point out where it sounds muddy?
I hear cracks in the audio but that's because i don't have a good converter.

I'm thinking of putting words to it. Not someone singing, but someone telling a poem or short story.
Like Viggo Mortensen does, i think that could add a little bit meaning to the song.
And maybe a guitar playing a couple of phrases, but part of the background.
Do you think that could work?

CMNDandCNTRL: thanks, that's what i want, that it makes you think.

I love it. Progression of chords is great, the low mellow sound is perfect to set the mood. Basically, it sounds something that I would jam to. I might just do that, in fact, if you don't mind. :P I know it's supposed to have a voice part, but I'm a guitar player after all. :P Great work though!
thanks for the reply.

It doesn't really need a voice part, like singing.
Maybe someone saying a poem like in the video.

Feel free to jam over it!
Nice relaxing track, reminded me of something from the original Unreal game.
This song I guess... from start to 1.43. They have kinda similar atmospheres.

I don't really listen to any electronic music, so I can't comment on tone. I started playing the song at really high volume and the first couple of seconds seem a bit too bassy.

My favourite part is 0.52-1.17, really nice subtle melody.

Lyrics... I guess they only suit one mood, the song is good with or without them.

Maybe you could have expanded the track by adding some later parts with drums, but that's not nessesary.
Kombat Gear:

          thanks for taking the time to listening to my song.
          Tone wise i agree it needs work.
          I made this in gp using the synths and then exported it to midi.

          I'll try to experiment with adding another instrument if it can add to it.

          Hey, thanks for the crit on my song! I quite liked this track, but there's nothing i can say about it that has already been said. The VST you are using is very muddy/too much bass, almost to the point where its hard to distinguish the melody. I really did like the melody in this though, very relaxing and uplifting, I wish it went for longer. Also, maybe another lead synth could go over this to add to the mix?
          You're welcome.
          Thanks for doing the same.

          I agree that the sound isn't perfect, but this was mainly posted to know how the composition is. So i'm happy you like the melody.
          There actually isn't a real melody, these are just chords, so you're hearing the highest note most of the time.
          Except at 0:52 where the melody changes.
          I'll try to add another instrument to add more.