#1
Song thats in the demoing process. My band has been working on it for a while as of now. I'm mostly concerned with the second verse. I also have a version of the song in my profile if you'd like to listen.

C4C

Allergies, Snot, Congestion-

When’d you put me here?
Why’d you let me fall from the sky?
Erroneous conversations
Seem to high in question of why
Confusion in place of doubt
It seems more realistic
Crash hard on this ground
Broken wings don’t explain this

Life drowned me before I could swim
Tried to run before I could walk as a kid
But spoon-feeding closed my throat to this
It’s not your fault I’m born allergic
And you can’t fix this

If this explains all
The who what where when and why
Then why would I bother?
To stay here and waste my time
If this is only a test
Then why make a test so long
When a true or false question
Could determine your right from your wrong

Life drowned me before I could swim
Tried to run before I could walk as a kid
But spoon-feeding closed my throat to this
It’s not your fault I’m born allergic
And you can’t fix this

It this is boiling down to perseverance
The evidently I’m sure to miss this again
#2
The first verse I would be more worried about. It came across as separate ideas more than anything else.

The chorus was great though, the first two lines especially. I think that's a great twist of those two common phrases. The last line I would change, though. It puts an abrupt halt on the chorus, and I think it deserves another line to really summate itself. Also, "this" isn't one of the words I feel you can rhyme with the same word. It's just a little too thin sounding.

The repetition of "this" from the chorus to the second verse also gives it a bit of a misstep, but nothing big. I really don't think there's much wrong with the second verse.

I think the last two lines as well could use a larger stanza. They lack the punch to be a strong ender, if you fleshed the idea out, I think I'd like it more.

Overall though, not bad. I enjoyed it.
#3
thanks man, appreciate the crit a lot! Did you listen to the song in my profile at all, because i think it helps with some of the issues you had.