#1
PLEASE COMMENT!!!!!!

by the way this is kind of a slow song.

(verse 1)
i went to macdonalds,
and there was a lady,
standing at the counter,
with her looking like gravy,
she said can i take your order,
and i said i would like a cheese burger,
with some coke and fries,
on the side.

(pre-chorus)
but when you gave me the food,
igot a bleeding big mac,
i feel offended,
are you calling me fat,

(chorus)
you,
didnt give me food i wanted,
and you,
didnt give me the food i ordered,
so im running out of this place,
past people stuffing there face,
im going to burger king instead.

(verse2)
i rang up the councill,
and said can you knock it down,
stupid b**ch said no,
so i called her an ugly clown,
i went up to the court,
where i hurt my bloody foot,
i tripped and hurt my head,
now im in bed.

(pre-chorus)

(chorus)

(verse 3)
oh burger king is better than your fatty sh**,
i wanna be fit,
not in the obese pit,
everyone was going to be athletes,
then you opened your doors,
now everyones wearing size 54`s`.

(bridge)x4
stupid macdonalds

(chorus)x3

(bridge)x4
#3
I like the lyrics, could become really catchy. What sort of style are you aiming for? I think that it would sound nice with a country feel, just to add some irony to the whole situation
#5
Are you serious when you write these songs? I can imagine this being a Jedward song or a one-off novelty crap song. I really don't like ripping on people but this is terrible.

I'd do a full crit so I can be deemed as being constructive but I can't really be bothered. However there are a few lines that have serious issues, such as

i went to macdonalds,
and there was a lady,
standing at the counter,
with her looking like gravy,
she said can i take your order,
and i said i would like a cheese burger,
with some coke and fries,
on the side.

but when you gave me the food,
igot a bleeding big mac,
i feel offended,
are you calling me fat,

you,
didnt give me food i wanted,
and you,
didnt give me the food i ordered,
so im running out of this place,
past people stuffing there face,
im going to burger king instead.

i rang up the councill,
and said can you knock it down,
stupid b**ch said no,
so i called her an ugly clown,
i went up to the court,
where i hurt my bloody foot,
i tripped and hurt my head,
now im in bed.

oh burger king is better than your fatty sh**,
i wanna be fit,
not in the obese pit,
everyone was going to be athletes,
then you opened your doors,
now everyones wearing size 54`s`.


So you should try changing these parts or get rid of them completely.
You take my place in the showdown, I observe with a pitiful eye. I'll humbly ask you forgiveness, a request well beyond you and I.
#6
I like this, I like the silliness and it would make an amusing Weird al song.

The only thing I'd question is your lack of inspiration. Its concerning if your in mcdonalds struggling for lyrics. You get the wrong order and decide "right thats it, im gonna write a song about this, you'll see!!"

Wow you showed them! Great stuff
#7


Make a video for this and put it on youtube. You will be famous by the end of the week or your money back.
You want me?
Well f**king well come and find me
I'll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sandwiches


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