Here's my new song about a guy who hides behind a pretence of madness to escape from the pressures of the world and the consequences of his actions... At least he thinks he does: the madness may just be real.


I know I can't sing, so no need to comment on that! If anyone feels that they could do a good job of re-recording the vocals I would love to hear from you. I think something in the vein of Robert Plant or a Johnny Cash would work well but vocals aren't my thing so you might have better ideas.

Here are the lyrics:

Verse 1
You’d swear I wasn’t faking it
But it’s easy to do

There’s madness in all of us
And that includes you

I could ‘cure’ me any time
‘Cos it’s all just a ruse

My body may be locked away
But my mind’s mine to lose

In the refuge of madness

Verse 2
Been many years since
I left through that door

Can’t say I miss ‘em much
The liars and the *****s

And they don’t work on the sane,
The pills that they use

The only cure for a mad dog is
A bullet between the baby blues


Verse 3

Walking a white corridor
Longer than the eye can see

Heading to the darkness
Blacker than my thoughts can be

I came here to flee,
To find sanctuary

Will I ever leave,
Or will I ever be

Two words, Black Sabbath. But seriously, a ****ing good sabbath song. I don't know about Plant or Cash, but Ozzy would be perfect. That's a good tune, opening riff is sick. I like the staccato. The only thing that was a little weak for me was the end, it felt a little abrupt. I think partly because of the lead at the very end it didn't feel like it was phrasing to an end. Kinda like you just cut the lick short and resolved. Other than that, well done.
Nice, does have a Sabbath-vibe to it. I like the guitar tone, but the mix feels a bit bassy overall, though that might be 'cause the snare doesn't come through much.

The lead at 00:27 is real good, but I think this part could really benefit from some more profound fills from bass, rhythm and drums - in a couple of places in the song where the lead guitar took over it felt this way. Like the background vocals, by the way, fits the theme of the song, obviously.

Tempo increase is nicely placed, keeps things interesting.

Sometimes I think the chorus feels a bit weak, like it could've used some more oomph. Last chorus with the lead parts over is great, though.

All in all a well-written track, would love to hear it with just a bit better producing (especially on drums), though.

Would love your thoughts here: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1458047
I'll start by saying I love the lyrics and melody at the "My body may be locked away
But my mind’s mine to lose" part. I like the tempo increase in the solo. The overall mood of the song fits the lyrics really well. I also like what I think might be something like a pre-echo on the vocals. I do agree with descara that the chorus could use a bit more oomph. I think the lyrics and guitar work are the best parts of this song, and they are very good parts at that. Thanks for giving your thoughts on my song!