#1
I came to the point where all my lyrics are just cliche war/conspiracy thrash lyrics so i tried something different. If you have any good advices or critic please tell me =)
thank you ! PS. C4C ! =)

It starts again
Voices getting louder
Trying to control me
Delusion of control
I try to escape
Find my way out
But don't know how
The suggestion is strong
Don't know what to believe
Or is this somekind of conspiracy
Reality is no more

This feeling
Growing inside of me
Taking control
Nobody can't understand
There is no anchor to reality
It's getting worse
Every day
I dont know how
Things got this way

I'm just a lost soul
It burns me from inside
I cant take this anymore
When does this pointless journey end

The end is near
Struggling with this fear of fear
I'm trapped in this nightmare
And can't wake up

Now is the time
I'm gonna end it tonight
No regret or lies
Just goodbye !
Last edited by t0mm1_ at Jul 10, 2011,
#2
just by reading it over I almost feel the need to just start rocking out. I personally think that they are pretty good lyrics for a thrashy song. I can picture myself singing/screaming along to them if I ever heard it. they are very catchy
#4
Work less with 'cliche'/short/overused/redundant words.

"Trying to control me
Delusion of control"

Using control twice in a row, unless it's stressed in a way that takes advantage of the repetition, simply causes redundancy, which can be fatiguing to the listener.

The paranoia feel takes advantage of vagueness and rapid shifts in attention, but imagery is still an important element - what voices? How are they trying to take control? Make a story out of it - give it elements that separates it from the hundreds of other thrash songs about being paranoid. An excellent example would be "Sweating Bullets" by Megadeth - it takes a simple song about going crazy to detail a mix between asylum-esque imprisonment and a schizophrenic discourse in multiple facets of his personality brawling in the metaphorical prison in his own head.

"Feeling claustrophobic
Like the walls are closing in
Blood stains on my hands and
I don't know where I've been
I'm in trouble for the things
I haven't got to yet
I'm sharpening the axe, and my
Palms are getting wet, sweating bullets"

This really draws people in, combining depth and interest without going too poetic to be metal.

Not being critical, just general method of approach I used when I was writing thrash more and wasn't content with my own poetry.
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