#1
One of my self-written songs inspired by the band Disturbed.
Twas written after my girlfriend broke up with me and I was hurting inside.
Please tell me what you think..


Feeling cold as you left my side
Broken down and it's like I died
Disaster strikes in my life again
Why did I even let you in?
Visions of us haunt my life
Bleeding wrist from a knife
Will this destruction even end?
And will my heart ever mend?


Your rampage will go on
Until my heart, is fully gone!
Ohh, I'm broken by your lies
I let you in, and now I'm torn again!
Now why can't you hear my cries?
Your malevolent mind wins again this time..

Every time that you f***in' lied
A piece of me had died inside
My love for you, was it a crime?
'Cuz now I'm nothing in your eyes
Deep decisions will arise
As I erase you from my life
Your destruction will soon end!
But my whole world can never mend..


Your rampage will go on
Until my heart, is fully gone!
Ohh, I'm broken by your lies
I let you in, and now I'm torn again!
Now why can't you hear my cries?
Your malevolent mind wins again this time..
#2
Honest criticism:

It's a little stereotypical and not too original. I would suggest going over it again and maybe rewording some parts to fit the rhythm (I read this in several different rhythms and some areas are a little awkward).

If you are going to sound emo, don't do it so obviously (the part about the bleeding wrist will automatically label you as emo whether that was your intention or not. Sad but true.)

Also, when writing lyrics avoid using exclamation marks because that pretty much forces you to scream it. I have seen countless hard rock/metal/emo lyrics where people will write some stuff in all capitals with exclamation points.

I JUST LABELED THIS PARTICULAR LYRIC AS A MORE AGGRESSIVE SCREAM!!

Overall, not terrible but needs lots of work as well. It's damn near impossible to nail lyrics the first time around but a good effort. Rework it a bit and repost it. Good luck to you.
#3
If it's inspired by disturbed then It might be a bit akward. But it always does help to re-write things, the idea become more refined as you do.