#1
Alright so, read the song. See if you can picture the story. The story is posted under the lyrics. Please read the song first. I want to know if it paints a picture per say. There are talking parts but, in a recording, they’d be like half sang/half spoken. This story actually happened to me and so, I find it kind of funny. I know it will seem super odd but, I think why not mix up songs. They’re originals for a reason right? And again, remember im only 15 Also if you have any better name suggestions please say so. I’m not too fond of this one.


*talking in a sort of laughing voice*
Hey remember me?

Verse 1
*singing*
Looking back I see that face
with those beautiful green eyes
I shook my head and sighed
then thought of those memories
that I thought of
When I missed what we could be
All those times.

Chorus
I remember
all those times we laughed and
talked on the park bench
I thought we had something
Apparently,
something happened that I missed
You were doing the same with your friend
Who you said
Was better than me
Now good luck trying to fool me.

Verse 2
My hands started to shake
As I typed those words
Onto the page
*Talking*
“Hey want to be my date?”
*singing*
My phone beeped
I prayed you said yes
Then almost fell
When I read
“No, why would I ever say yes?”

Chorus
I remember
all those times we laughed and
talked on the park bench
I thought we had something
Apparently,
something happened that I missed
You were doing the same with your friend
Who you said
Was better than me
Now good luck trying to fool me.

Verse 3
I’m just a girl
I can’t change your mind
But, I can get revenge
Let’s just say
you seemed to not like
when I ended up dancing with
your best friend

*Talking*
“Hate the feeling right?”
“Well so do I.”

*singing*
Why, why do you keep doing this to me?


Chorus
I remember
all those times we laughed and
talked on the park bench
I thought we had something
Apparently,
something happened that I missed
You were doing the same with your friend
Who you said
Was better than me
Now good luck trying to fool me.

Verse 4
*talking*
“Hello remember me?”

*singing*
I’m never going to make this mistake again
This thing that happened
It won’t ever be in my life again
You lost your change
don’t come back to me
Acting like everything is alright
Because clearly
It never will be
All because you declined me


Chorus
I remember
all those times we laughed and
talked on the park bench
I thought we had something
Apparently,
something happened that I missed
You were doing the same with your friend
Who you said
Was better than me
Now good luck trying to fool me.

You won’t fool me anymore.
#2
It isn't hard to get the story from this at all. I could easily see this as a song although you use the same words rather close to each other and in the same place in both lines. It works in the chorus and I wouldn't change it, however in verse 2 it doesn't seem so fitting
I prayed you said yes
Then almost fell
When I read
“No, why would I ever say yes?”


The song actually goes somewhere even if it is a bit long but over all this is a good piece. Keep writing.
#3
it feels kinda familiar to me aswell. it aint too bad though, well done. i have alot of songs that i aint too fond of but i like em