#1
NOTE - See next post if you want the lyrics minus the tab.

Intro:

E |-------|-0-|-----------|-------|-------|
B |-------|-0-|-----------|-------|-------|
G |-------|-0-|-----------|-------|-------|
D |-------|-2-|-----------|-------|-------|
A |-------|-2-|-----------|-------|-------|
E |-0-3-0-|-0-|-0-3-5-3-5-|-0-3-0-|-0-3-0-|

Verse & Chorus Foreshadow:

(Play soft & clean, little or no distortion)

E |---0---0-0-|---0---0-0-|
B |---0---0-0-|---0---0-0-|
G |---0---0-0-|---2---2-2-| 3X
D |---2---2---|---0---0---|
A |---2---2---|-2---2-----|
E |-0---0-----|-----------|

E |-0-0-0--0-0-0--0-0-0-0-0-0-|----|-0-0-0-0-0-0-|
B |-0-0-0--0-0-0--0-0-0-0-0-0-|----|-0-0-0-0-0-0-|
G |-0-0-0--0-0-0--2-2-2-2-2-2-| 3X |-2-2-2-2-2-2-|
D |-2-2----0-0----0-0-0-0-0-0-|----|-0-0-0-0-0-0-|
A |-2-2----2-2----2-2-2-2-2-2-|----|-2-2-2-2-2-2-|
E |-0-0----3-3----------------|----|-------------|

Verse (Loud, distorted):

E |----0----0-0------0-----0--0--|
B |----0----0-0------0-----0--0--|
G |----0----0-0-----14----14-14--| 6X
D |---14---14--------0-----0-----|
A |---14---14----14-----14-------|
E |-0----0-----------------------|

All that I take
Was given away
Twenty-odd years thrown
At the altar of me
Once I could walk,
Now learn to crawl
Been crawling back
Since the day I was born

Chorus (Loud, distorted):

E |--0--0--0---0--0--0---0--0--0--0--0--0-|----|--0--0--0--0--0--0-|
B |--0--0--0---0--0--0---0--0--0--0--0--0-|----|--0--0--0--0--0--0-|
G |--0--0--0---0--0--0—-14-14-14-14-14-14-| 5X |-14-14-14-14-14-14-|
D |-14-14-14---0--0--0---0--0--0--0--0--0-|----|--0--0--0--0--0--0-|
A |-14-14-14--14-14-14--14-14-14-14-14-14-|----|-14-14-14-14-14-14-|
E |--0--0--0--15-15-15--------------------|----|-------------------|

Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say to her
Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say to her
Half a life thrown at the altar of me and I’m
Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say to her
Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say
(I) got nothing but shame

Verse 2:

And all you gave
Was taken from you
Sweat from your brow,
Strength from your back
Life laid to waste,
Now starting to age
Been aging fast
Since the day I was born

Chorus:

Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say to him
Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say to him
Half a life thrown at the altar of me and I’m
Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say to him
Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say
(I) got nothing but shame

Bridge (Distorted):

E |--0--0---0--0---0--0---0-|--0--0---0--0---0--0---0-|
B |--0--0---0--0---0--0---0-|--0--0---0--0---0--0---0-|
G |-14-14---0--0---0--0---0-|-14-14---0--0---0--0---0-|
D |-14-14--14-14---0--0--14-|-14-14--14-14--14-14---0-|
A |--0--0--15-15--14-14--14-|--0--0--15-15--14-14--14-|
E |--0--0---0--0--15-15---0-|--0--0---0--0---0--0--15-|

E |--0--0---0--0---0--0---0-|--0--0---0--0---0--0---0-|
B |--0--0---0--0---0--0---0-|--0--0---0--0---0--0---0-|
G |-14-14---0--0---0--0---0-|-14-14---0--0---0--0--14-|
D |-14-14--14-14---0--0--14-|-14-14--14-14--14-14---0-|
A |--0--0--15-15--14-14--14-|--0--0--15-15--14-14--14-|
E |--0--0---0--0--15-15---0-|--0--0---0--0---0--0---0-|

(Note: Play that one last chord a bunch of times; I’m just too lazy to tab that, and the rhythm is pretty much up to you).

But what could I say without taking the blame for it?
What could I do without running away from it?
And what could you give without regretting it later,
When you see that it’s your sacrifice that I waste?

Chorus:

Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say to you
Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say to you
Half your life thrown at the altar of me and I’m
Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say to you
Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say
(I) got nothing but shame

(Repeat intro + verse/chorus foreshadow)

Verse 3 (soft and clean):

The brown of your hair
The dark of your eyes
Reflect in me now
And follow my lead
They’ll never go
Quite half as far
Under my watch
As they did under you

Chorus:

Meeting my maker – you got nothing to say to me
Meeting my maker – you got nothing to say to me
Half your life thrown at the altar of me and I’m
Meeting my maker – you got nothing to say to me
Meeting my maker – you got nothing to say
And I got nothing but shame

(Repeat guitar part – minus lyrics - for the bridge, and then for the chorus)

Outro:

E |-0--0-0-0-0-0-0-0---0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-|
B |-0--0-0-0-0-0-0-0---0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-|
G |-2--2-2-2-2-2-2-2---2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-| X as many times as you want
D |-0--0-0-0-0-0-0-0---0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-|
A |-2--2-2-2-2-2-2-2---2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-|
E |-0--0-0-0-0-0-0-0---0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-|

And then end on an Em upstrum:

E |-0-|
B |-0-|
G |-0-|
D |-2-|
A |-2-|
E |-0-|
Last edited by kindadumb at Jul 10, 2011,
#2
maybe next time, leave out the chords. But I am impressed, you got them to come out extremely neat.

To make it easier on the other readers, I'll quote, then take out the chords, then critique.

Quote by kindadumb

All that I take
Was given away
Twenty-odd years thrown
At the altar of me
Once I could walk,
Now learn to crawl
Been crawling back
Since the day I was born

I like this start, but it gets a bit rocky in the middle. I think "at the altar of me" should be changed to "this altar of mine," I feel that makes more sense.


Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say to her
Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say to her
Half a life thrown at the altar of me and I’m
Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say to her
Meeting my maker – (I) got nothing to say
(I) got nothing but shame

I'm still not sold on "altar of me" but if you're using it for a reason, stick to your guns, I guess. It's just a bit clumsy to me. I liked the "Nothing but shame" but I don't feel the repetition really served a purpose. I'm just going to assume the melody plays it out though.

And all you gave
Was taken from you
Sweat from your brow,
Strength from your back
Life laid to waste,
Now starting to age
Been aging fast
Since the day I was born

I liked the imagery of a person slowly withering away under their toils, stolen in an unfair way it feels. It ties well with the first verse, so good job on that.

But what could I say without taking the blame for it?
What could I do without running away from it?
And what could you give without regretting it later,
When you see that it’s your sacrifice that I waste?

I think this was your strongest stanza. You let go of the stop-start feel of the verses and the ideas feel more developed. I think more than anything this is the part that delivers the theme.

The brown of your hair
The dark of your eyes
Reflect in me now
And follow my lead
They’ll never go
Quite half as far
Under my watch
As they did under you


Nice, somber ending. It gives a solid feeling of closure to the piece, and it ends on a sad note which I like.

Overall, this was good. I felt the first two stanzas are a bit weaker than your last three. I could never really grasp the flow you had during the verses, so it was just a bit off-putting. I understand that whatever melody you have worked out your head probably smoothes it out, so maybe that's all I need. Your word choice was a bit clumsy I felt, and some lines could be refined. But still, good job. And if this is your first piece, it's a great start.
Last edited by blake1221 at Jul 10, 2011,
#3
Just for clarification, I put "I" in parentheses in the chorus because I found that the rhythm can work with it in there and it makes more grammatical sense that way, but the rhythm works better without.
#4
Quote by blake1221

I like this start, but it gets a bit rocky in the middle. I think "at the altar of me" should be changed to "this altar of mine," I feel that makes more sense.

"Altar of mine" doesn't quite capture what I was getting at, though - not something that's mine, but something that's me. It's like how "gold's cup" can't replace "cup of gold." I'll toy around with some other ideas, like "this altar in me," "your altar in me," etc.

I see what you're saying about the start-stop feel of the lyrics; that's just something that goes with the melody and the guitar part. (If you look at the tab, the verse part is basically just an Em and a Bm11 that are each broken in half).