#1
Hey I'm back with a half-assed submission, yay!"

Alright since I'm uber busy with other-music related shit lately (spending all my time on my current drumming project instead of my own personal compositions) this piece is only semi-completed, but since I would like some input as to what people think sounds good, what could use more development, what totally sucks and what doesn't, whether structure is good, etc etc, I decided to submit the "rough draft" of a recent piece and see what people think of that shit.
Attachments:
Aesthetics.zip
#2
Intro is good, although something sounds off, and I think it's the phrasing in bars 6 to 7. Its not much, but its something to be aware of. It could be regarded as negative, or something for the listener to focus on, like in some classical pieces, where the discontinuity piques interest. Same applies for the Augmented 5th chords in bar 4.

The accidental in 13, the Db, is either tasteful or worthless, I haven't yet made up my mind, although the accidental in 17 is much better used. And I could've swore I've heard the lick at Bar 18, 2nd beat, first five 16th notes, in another song of your's. I can't place it, but I remember how the riff goes perfectly.

But that aside, the phrase ends well on the E5. The rest of the intro in that fashion has some cool themes, but is phrased a bit strangely. A stronger more consistant bass melody could help here.

32 to 49 is great, and the only thing I would change would be the lick at 35. I just feel like it could do alot more for what it is. Rest of the section is great, awesome themes/melodies.

The tempo change at 49 is a bit sudden, and now that I've thought that, I can't unthink it.

And I was just thinking that the previous section could've used bass.

Following section is also good, although some more chordal resolve could've been nice. It felt a bit open ended, although thats not a bad thing.

Repeat section is good, and I was amazed that you put a djent section in, which was interesting. Dugudum was pretty awesome sounding, with all the other Djent material.

Miss Cleo was cool, although Noob Jazz is far too difficult to follow.

And the outro didn't have too much that interested me, lack of prominent themes, Ect...

Cool ideas, bro.

You could crit Fugue State, although it doesn't technically qualify as a fugue. I'm rewriting it so that does.
Last edited by Life Is Brutal at Jul 11, 2011,
#3
Meant to crit this earlier, but I got distracted and forgot. It's good to see you're still writing stuff. The intro seemed a lot more diatonic than anything I've come to expect from you, but it sounds nice. I'm not a fan of those trills and the staccato immediately after, personally.

I like the clean shitty radio effect thing, it sounds great clean. Some of the slides sound odd when it's repeated with distortion later, though- probably just the MIDI, but even on an actual instrument, I can't imagine that working well. I love the theme at 43, the second chord makes it sound almost jazzy, and not in that fusion-jazz sense that everybody and their mother claims to be influenced by (not a bad thing, fusion elements make for great prog metal), like actual jazz. For the most part, the 'typical JD riff' is nice, just those slides I mentioned earlier.

The djent bit on its own is fine, but the transition to it doesn't serve its purpose well at all. The drop with the harmonic isn't built up to well enough, and so the thing doesn't feel like it's about to start chugging. However, once it gets going, it's easily my favorite part of the piece so far. I'm a sucker for djent.

I'm severely disappointed that the crazy fast tapping lick 'Miss Cleo' only pops up that one time in the song, it's absolutely beautiful. Some variation on that would be great.

The 'noob jazz' does a great job of adapting swing/bebop elements into metal. Again, closer to 'pure' jazz than most jazz-metal.

I personally think instead of fading out at the blast-beat cacophony, you should repeat some of those other parts that I mentioned liking so much. Because I like them SO MUCH.

C4C, when you get the time- not similar to the prog/tech-death crap I used to put out, I'm going back to my Post-Hardcore roots. So it might not be your cup of tea, but an opinion from a songwriter I respect is worth the potential ass-reaming. :P

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1452586
#4
Critting as I listen.
I love low tuned acoustic guitars so this is a nice little intro. Ohai little classical diddles, welcome. Very very nice.

Wow the next bit is really cool. Leads in perfectly to the heavier part. It's quite beautiful.

Man some if this is blowing cynic and devin out of the water. The note choices are blowing me away. It all has a great feel to it. The riffage is pretty unstoppable, this would sound ridiculous on a real guitar. I could never play it.

Chor-ass is brilliant, like the rest. And the repeat is quite welcome. Don't worry, I hate repeating too, but sometimes it has to be done.

One little issue...you called the next part djent. (insert rage face)

I hate that word, but I hope you're using it comically. That part in general is reminiscent of cloud kicker but like...400x quicker.

The noob-jazz part seems technically ****ed and awesome, but it didn't sit right in my ear.

The speed picked riffs are really cool too. I'm kinda mentally placing some great vocals over that lol.

And what is this a fade out? Oh man, I could have listened to you dilly daddle for another hour.

Good stuff, but unfortunately a few little missteps make me give it a 9/10. I know, right?

My stuff MIGHT just bore you, but take a listen anyways? Less proggy than my other stuff but meh, it's my newest one, needs a crit.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=27649295#post27649295
#5
This was great!
The intro sounded beautiful and the Cynic-influenced riff sounds awesome. Also Typical JD Riff, Miss Cleo and Noob-Jazz parts were my favourites.

I think that you should improve the structure more. When the Dugudum, Dugudum part begins it sounds like different song. Otherwise I don't come up with any other complaints this time.

Can you actually play this song? It must sound really wicked when played with real instruments.