#1
tumblr isn't working. an old friend whom i cut out of my life wants to try and get back i'm in. sex is boring. people are insincere. i want cookies. there's nothing worse than knowing you can't change anything.

i wish my eyes were kind instead of broken
maybe a different shade of agony
always the same look when i flick my gaze into the mirror
round with some sort of pain that i didn't even know i was feeling


that shit will creep up on you and stay with you until the day you die
not knowing what it is that kills you inside
but being aware that it is hidden somewhere
behind those reflected brown ovals
all the same.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#2
I can relate to this piece 100%, man. The idea is really solid and relatable, but the piece itself is a little lacking. I like the loose narrative tone, as if you're just speaking to the reader, but the wording could be tightened up.

I really like the lines "maybe a different shade of agony" and "round with some sort of pain that I didn't even know I was feeling" though I'd change the second one to something more like "round with some sort of pain I hadn't noticed before". It just sounds more poetic. That's what I mean when I say you should tighten this up; just make it more poetic, while keeping that spoken-word feel of it.

Anyway, this is pretty good, but it feels like a rough draft. I'd like to see it cleaned up.

Oh, and have a few cookies. (: (: (: (:
#3
Incredibly sad & poignant...and insightful. Reminds me of the line from Thoreau - "men living lives of quiet desperation."

Good work~keep going...

(and, and of course, the good news is the only thing we can change is ourselves.)
Did you know: animal agriculture contributes more to global warming than all modes of transportation combined? Go Veg - it is the right thing to do for the planet, for your health, and for the animals.

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