Page 1 of 2
#1
So it was last night, around 11:30. This may seem a little early to some people but I assure you it was late enough. My parents were apparently off to bed, so I decided to have a little fap action. Now, I'm not talking softcore lesbian kissing pussy bullshit---fuck that. I was watching some freaky-deeky hardcore (heterosexual, mind you) shit and then it happened. The film (and myself, mind you) were extremely close to reaching climax, and since I have headphones on, I figured that I would be undetectable in my dark room and relatively low-light laptop. But then, I nearly shit my pants.

I HEARD THE DOOR CLOSE. WHAT THE FUCK

Yes, to clarify, it was my bedroom door! And I was left with a terrible case of blue balls and in this haze I looked around my room, checking for an open window, or a fan, or SOMETHING that could provide a level of comfort for me... NO LUCK. Nothing has been brought up about it, (which is odd, considering my father is a devout catholic and rages at me when he catches me fapping like one of those monkeys that fucks a lot) and I hope this can be buried and left alone, but pit....

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!?

I write songs.
YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THEM
Currently Requiring Crits:
none
#2
Your parents saw you fapping and were too tired to deal with it. Or they were like "boys will be boys" or some shit similar.
#3
You died during climax, and are in hell. Left wondering forever if your dad saw you fapping.
Don't mess up.
#4
You left the door open when you started fapping and your parents closed it as they were heading to bed.
*parp*
#6
Wait, you didn't finish? Not worth my time.

And lol at catholics that think fapping is sin
Write your own lyrics or poetry? Post them HERE for a crit.
Follow me on Twitter
#8
why are you here, why haven't you finished yet?
VHT Special 6 ultra
TC HOF Reverb
Line 6 DL4
EHX OD Glove
Fender standard Tele
Ibanez Rga121
Taylor GA 214E
#9
Your fapping has given you magical door closing abilities.

Use them wisely. You may need them on future quests
There's a good chance that what I've written above is useless and if you take any of the advice it's your own fault.
#11
You were so startled when you heard your parents close the door that you full gripped and pulled your junk off.

Congratulations, you're a eunuch.
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -


Life goes by?
Quote by Hydra150
There's a dick on Earth, too
It's you
#12
Quote by WyvernOmega
my father is a devout catholic and rages at me when he catches me fapping like one of those monkeys that fucks a lot



Great simile, or greatest simile?
Quote by jimmy hendrix 2
Don't argue with my new deity.
#13
Ah sorry mate, I was getting off on watching you fap and forgot to say bye! Should I make my presence known a bit more in the future? Also, what you really need is a new amp.
#16
you had headphones on? probably a bad choice. You need all of your senses at peak performance in order to not get caught doing that shit.
Quote by RU Experienced?
Now with 20 percent more Allah!!!

Quote by Borsworth
^^^


Quote by GoldenRose94

that'd be slightly creepy if i didn't find it so amusing.
#17
Quote by strat0blaster
You were so startled when you heard your parents close the door that you full gripped and pulled your junk off.

Congratulations, you're a eunuch.


#18
It's all about chaos theory.

You fapped just slightly hard enough as to create a sort of draft that was strong enough to close your door.
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: Gabriel Fauré


You throw like a girl. A girl who is great at baseball and has a fiery passion for the sport.
#19
So it was last night, around 11:30. This may seem a little early to some people but I assure you it was late enough. My son was apparently off to bed, so I decided to have a little fap action. Now, I'm not talking softcore lesbian kissing pussy bullshit---fuck that. I wanted to watch some freaky-deeky hardcore (heterosexual, mind you) shit and then it happened. The film (and myself, mind you) were extremely close viewing, and since I have a robe on, I figured that I would be undetectable in my dark hallway and relatively low-light fleshlight. But then, I nearly shit my pants.

I HEARD THE DOOR CLOSE. WHAT THE FUCK

Yes, to clarify, it was my sons bedroom door! And I was left with a terrible case of blue balls and in this haze I looked around my hallway, checking for an open window, or a fan, or SOMETHING that could provide a level of comfort for me to enter his room... NO LUCK. Nothing has been done about it, (which is odd, considering i am a devout catholic and rage when i cant fap like one of those monkeys that fucks a lot) and I hope this can be done again and achieved tonight, but pit....

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!?
Most of the important things


in the world have been accomplished


by people who have kept on


trying when there seemed to be no hope at all
#20
Quote by Nelsean
So it was last night, around 11:30. This may seem a little early to some people but I assure you it was late enough. My son was apparently off to bed, so I decided to have a little fap action. Now, I'm not talking softcore lesbian kissing pussy bullshit---fuck that. I wanted to watch some freaky-deeky hardcore (heterosexual, mind you) shit and then it happened. The film (and myself, mind you) were extremely close viewing, and since I have a robe on, I figured that I would be undetectable in my dark hallway and relatively low-light fleshlight. But then, I nearly shit my pants.

I HEARD THE DOOR CLOSE. WHAT THE FUCK

Yes, to clarify, it was my sons bedroom door! And I was left with a terrible case of blue balls and in this haze I looked around my hallway, checking for an open window, or a fan, or SOMETHING that could provide a level of comfort for me to enter his room... NO LUCK. Nothing has been done about it, (which is odd, considering i am a devout catholic and rage when i cant fap like one of those monkeys that fucks a lot) and I hope this can be done again and achieved tonight, but pit....

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!?






I spilled my glass of water all over myself laughing xD
Nelsean, you are god.
I forgot how to play guitar. Q_Q
#23
the neighbors just saw me fapping
SHIT

I write songs.
YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THEM
Currently Requiring Crits:
none
#24
TS, you need to practice the art of stealth wanking. The only way you'll learn is by sitting with your feet up on the arm of a chair holding a magazine infont of your crotch reading, then while you parents are in the room you must blow your load onto a tissue inside the magazine. Then you will not get caught with skills you've learnt from this experience. Go now my aprentice, and may Strojizeth the God of Fapping be with you.
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
#27
Quote by WyvernOmega
So it was last night, around 11:30. This may seem a little early to some people but I assure you it was late enough. My parents were apparently off to bed, so I decided to have a little fap action. Now, I'm not talking softcore lesbian kissing pussy bullshit---fuck that. I was watching some freaky-deeky hardcore (heterosexual, mind you) shit and then it happened. The film (and myself, mind you) were extremely close to reaching climax, and since I have headphones on, I figured that I would be undetectable in my dark room and relatively low-light laptop. But then, I nearly shit my pants.

I HEARD THE DOOR CLOSE. WHAT THE FUCK

Yes, to clarify, it was my bedroom door! And I was left with a terrible case of blue balls and in this haze I looked around my room, checking for an open window, or a fan, or SOMETHING that could provide a level of comfort for me... NO LUCK. Nothing has been brought up about it, (which is odd, considering my father is a devout catholic and rages at me when he catches me fapping like one of those monkeys that fucks a lot) and I hope this can be buried and left alone, but pit....

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!?



the **** is wrong with you? Why is this a regular occurance?

Also, your AC kicked on possibly and the flow of air caused it to shut if it was barely ajar in the first place.
The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world.
- Carl Sagan
#28
Quote by Weaponized
You are the worst fapper EVER

Seriously man.
ಥ_ಥ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ೃ ·ಏ· ಢ_ಢ


E-Married to the sexy DarkConcertine


and Jon777 .


#29
Wait, no... I think it was Jehovah's Witnesses
We're okay

I write songs.
YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THEM
Currently Requiring Crits:
none
#30
very impressive, TS


...And i would have expected more KOTH jokes
E-married to BlessedRebel15
Most Attractive Female 2011 ^^
Dark Black Rivers in the WinterTime
Quote by CrunchyRoll
I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, but everything is against the rules at UG
#32
maybe they should raise the minimum age requirement up to maybe 16...
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#33
Quote by abdulalhazred
you had headphones on? probably a bad choice. You need all of your senses at peak performance in order to not get caught doing that shit.

This works doubly well for me, because nothing arouses me more than trying to work out my parents' locations through auditory clues.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
Last edited by whalepudding at Jul 15, 2011,
#34
Quote by WyvernOmega
Now, I'm not talking softcore lesbian kissing pussy bullshit---


Aww.... lesbians are so cute when they kiss each others pussys.
#35
Quote by theogonia777
maybe they should raise the minimum age requirement up to maybe 16...



Please. They need to
Quote by UntilISleep
You have excellent taste in literature, dear sir

Quote by Primus2112
You have excellent taste in video games, good sir.

Quote by GbAdimDb5m7
You have terrible taste in signatures, idiotic sir.

kkoo
#36
Your furious hand-loving created a Chandler wobble which knocked the Earth's instantaneous north pole a few centimeters easterly, thus causing every slightly-open door in the Western hemisphere to slam shut from the misalignment and causing the deaths of hundreds, possibly thousands of tourists precariously perched over scenic cliffs at that very moment.

Thanks, TS.


Quote by 剣 斧 血
TS, you need to practice the art of stealth wanking. The only way you'll learn is by sitting with your feet up on the arm of a chair holding a magazine infont of your crotch reading, then while you parents are in the room you must blow your load onto a tissue inside the magazine. Then you will not get caught with skills you've learnt from this experience. Go now my aprentice, and may Strojizeth the God of Fapping be with you.


Looks like he could do with The Challenge....
1. Start wanking.
2. Halfway to climax...
3. Call parents into room.
4. Furiously attempt to finish and hide all evidence of activities before they enter room.

It's the only way he'll learn.
Last edited by thewho65 at Jul 15, 2011,
#37
Quote by Holy Katana
Aren't you the kid who creamed his pants in public when a girl touched his head?


It was my hair, and it wasn't "Public", it was Wal-Mart, fuck!


Quote by thewho65

Looks like he could do with The Challenge....
1. Start wanking.
2. Halfway to climax...
3. Call parents into room.
4. Furiously attempt to finish and hide all evidence of activities before they enter room.

It's the only way he'll learn.

I've tried that... turns out chick had a dick so I thought "PFFFT FUCK THAT SHIT", shut down everything Pandemic-style (including my impending blue balls), and jumped into my bed complaining of a headache.

I write songs.
YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THEM
Currently Requiring Crits:
none
Last edited by WyvernOmega at Jul 15, 2011,
#38
Your hair is on your head, and Walmart (in a shocking move, they took out the hyphen a year or two ago) is considered a public place last time I checked. There are a lot of other people there, and you don't know them. Sounds pretty public to me.
#39
Quote by WyvernOmega
which is odd, considering my father is a devout catholic and rages at me when he catches me fapping like one of those monkeys that fucks a lot


You saying he catches you often? Do you have a lock on your door, or does the sense of danger help to get you off?

EDIT: This point was already brought up :P
I didn't invent the rainy day man, I just own the best umbrella.
Last edited by Old_Peculiar at Jul 15, 2011,
#40
1. I would have finished they already caught you. Should of said fugg it.

2. Maybe your door wasn't shut all the way and the wind shut it?
Page 1 of 2