After working on this one for a long time, I've finally finished it. I would describe it as Tech Death with Doom and progressive influence. I would also say that this piece qualifies as Death metal.

Had fun writing it, and was even able to use some subliminal augmented arpeggios/chords along with some dominant 7th chords.

Guitar one in bars 19-20 tremolo picks a D7.

I will swiftly C4C all crits.
Really like this! Had a great doom feel, and I really liked the harmonies on the tremolo picked notes! I also really liked the bass parts. Nice to see that it was 7 string as well!
Overall good job on the song, I didn't really notice anything that sounded off.
Also really liked the arpeggios at the solo!

Thanks for the crit on my piece, fixed the outro
Although, you should know that I don't like tremolo riffs.

Very eerie sounding intro. If that was what you were going for, geat job.

As stated, I don't really care much for all those 32ths, but I guess they do what they're supposed to. There's not really any awkward transisitions either. Sometimes there notes everywhere though and it gets a bit overwhelming.

I like the choice of chords in Lethargy (and the progression yoo, obviously).

I liked the beginning of The Apathy Mindset, it really sounds like those chords want to kill you. Me and my ears thank you for bar 83. Sorry for being so negative about the tremolo, but this break from it gives those chords a little more, uhm, stage time.

I liked the solo.

And there we're back to the Lethargy chords, nice(no sarcasm).

Well, it all flows very well and it never gets boring despite the tremolo picking.
@pol315, I'll crit that as soon as possible.

@CheesyMozarella, I'm impartial to tremolo riffs, if theres a use for them that yields a superior result than another technique I'll use them, but I don't compose in a mindset that I'm going to throw in some tremolo here, Oh lets sweep this, ect. That said, if you were to turn the tremolo picked stuff into single held notes, the piece would lose alot of intensity.

Yes, I was going for an eerie intro.

The Apathy Mindset section was where I wanted to try and write something really crushing, and I think I did that. My first impression after writing it was that I had created Blackened Sludge Doom Metal.

I was really conflicted if I wanted the solo or not, so to me it sounds almost forced. I also wanted to try and keep the piece as "Death Metal" as it was, and I don't know if a solo would reinforce that point.

Thanks for telling me it doesn't get boring, that was one of my main concerns.

Thanks for the crits.
I guess I see some of the doom influence.

But to me, what this really smacks of is Old School Death Metal. Old School Finnish DM, perhaps, even. Except with touches of your usual jazzy/proggy/techy DM influence.

Or maybe Disembowelment minus the Funeral Doom.

Still. This is vastly superior to pretty much anything else that I've seen from you.

The atmosphere is excellent, there's a minimal amount of superfluous notes, and no real noodling to speak of. All comprising to make it more memorable than anything I've heard out of you, and make this... Well, basically a journey through the morbid depths of Apathy. Very OSDM, I must say.

Biggest crit I can offer you is the drums seem too busy. The snare especially comprises to distract me at times. I'd say make the drums more disciplined/crushing. The crushingness is there, but they need to be even more unforgiving and sparse, I think, to fit with the darkness/sparseness of the song.

And I could definitely see an OSDM style outro solo. A huge, bendy, sparse, atmospheric solo though, not like, atonal madness or anything.

And if you wish to crit one of mine I'd say hold off, I have one in the works on the way. Should hopefully be up soon. Within a few days easy.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Jul 21, 2011,
Still. This is vastly superior to pretty much anything else that I've seen from you.

Although I disagree, thank you.

I was also really wondering how you would respond to this piece, but you seem to be approving of it.

The drums were already redone, because they were originally all 32nd note double bass that matched up with the tremolo picking, and that was an ear sore. This drum version is much better, although there is still much room for improvement. Should it be recorded, the drums will probably be rewritten by an actual drummer.

And a sort of outro solo with the fade out could be interesting. I'll try it.

Sure, just link the piece back here unless I find it first.
Aye, I actually quite enjoyed this piece. There's something hypnotic about it, as well which is all to the good.

And that song is up. First one in my sig.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Reminds me of Opeth, which is a VERY good thing

The intro sets a wonderful vibe, but you somewhat abuse the "tremolo riff, end with sudden chord, STOP, tremolo riff, etc"-formula - the riffs are good, but it gets pretty repetitive. Bar 56-68 is some nice music though - brutal and dark as hell.

The tremolo lead at the beginning of "The Apathy Mindset" feels quite random. I'd give it some more work.

The chord progression at 92 is mean as hell. Love it. Lovely, twisted solo that follows.

Nice return to the previous themes. It segues well into the outro. All in all, great composition bro!
Sick song man.
Do explain the tuning sceme for the bass :P
And do you actually own a fretless 6?

Anyways LOVE the basslines in this song. They add so much. I wish most people knew how to write bass like this.

Lots of the parts could really use some keys for atmosphere methinks. like Lethargy or the post solo.
Some of the tremming gets muddy in the low register may want to bring some notes up the octave, unless you're goin for that sort of ound.

Nice transition to the outro.

I read one of the above posts. Keep the solo. It rocks. (and by rock i mean deathmetal)

Last edited by corrda00 at Aug 8, 2011,
Sick song man.


Do explain the tuning sceme for the bass :P
And do you actually own a fretless 6?

Tuning will probably be altered to the bassist who records the piece. Its currently tuned the same as a 6 string guitar but dropped an octave. Most bassists would probably tune it to the most bass string, the A, and use exclusively 4ths for the tuning, but having it this way allows me to identify note names much quicker.

And the lower strings wouldn't be used by me anyway as I like the bass to be audible, and in the lower ranges it becomes almost mute unless its particularly accented.

I wish I owned a fretless 6, but at the moment I only own a cheap 4 string made my Crate. But, I have played 8 and 6 string basses, although not fretless. I hope to own a 6 string eventually, although it would most likely be fretted.

That said, I try to use the bass in interesting ways.

Anyways I LOVE the basslines in this song. They add so much. I wish most people knew how to write bass like this.

I try.

I would also like to keep the band needed to play my pieces down to 4 people, a drummer, bassist, and 2 guitars, while one of the string players also does vocals. Ideally, all 4 would be able to do vocals.

And I don't think the tremolo picking gets muddy in the lower register, it all depends upon how you play it.

I'll get right on that C4C, I saw your post a day or two ago but I haven't had time to respond yet.