#1
the constant voyeur
can sit and watch
and live through his eyes
and build through his tongue
all made in his mind
(as anything is)
make words for concepts
and concepts for words
say it 50 different ways
to convey the same world
and he constantly strives
to play role as God
to make a landscape
keep fortune from fraud
to understand every last bit that he learns
to feel he has given
to feel he has earned
to consume
to consume
to consume
to consume
to consume..................
AND REGURGITATE.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

Last edited by vintage x metal at Jul 19, 2011,
#4
This was a wonderful read. It evokes so much emotion, as with nearly all of your poetry. Never stop posting here. Your work is always a wonderful treat to read.

Last edited by Winter Sky at Jul 19, 2011,
#7
this had tremendous flow, great pace and great economy in both what you were trying to say and how you said it. as a personal thing, i've never been a fan of the bigger font/underline/bolds because i find it a little distracting. although then again it does make an impact, and it gives the words a voice that they may not have had without it. idk, i feel like aesthetically it looks better without all that stuff but that's just me.

the poem itself was very enjoyable and felt very much like growth for you. hope you're well saadia
here, My Dear, here it is
#8
Personally I hate the word regurgitate. I feel it's only suitable usage deals with birds feeding their young. That being said, it is almost appropriate here.
The formatting was a bit much for me and I feel the repetition wasn't necessary to that scale, but that's really minor and opinion-orientated.

What intrigued me the most. Was the god reference being followed up by the idea of learning. I've always been under the assumption that a god is portrayed as all knowing.
hmm.
enjoyably odd for me.
Promises meant a lot back then.
#9
Great flow. I feel like it's a critique on the modern day poser. That said, I like this piece a lot The "god" and "fraud" rhyme was great. The first 5 or so lines were outstanding. The only thing is the end:
"to feel he has given
to feel he has earned
to consume"
IMO, with the repetition, it's a little unclear if you meant "he has earned to consume", in which case you might want to put "the right" in between the lines or something. Also, maybe elaborate on what he's given, but now I'm just being picky, lol.
You can check out my poem "Are There Accidents in Heaven" if you feel like it
Quote by turd_ferguson
[0:17] If my parents knew I was part of a group who celebrated christmas by drinking cough syrup they would probably cry

WEATHERER, the greatest band ever.
#10
thank you guys. I'll get back to your pieces
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja