#1
C4C, as always.

This moment has been written
before; it cluttered my arms
and feathered the pages of my notebooks
for years, yielding only
faint scars and dog ears
and a fondness for long nights alone.

Those words become as
a rough draft, prelude
to the moment when your pacific eyes
and trite charm withdraw
to be written of as myths upon my arms
and the pages of my notebooks.
#2
I liked this and the concept is excellent.

I can't help but feel that it needs a deeper feeling of warmth and intimacy. It hints at it just subtly enough to make me feel as though it needs more of it to really make it a beautiful piece. I wont be so bold as to suggest ways you could do that but hopefully you understand what i'm talking about.
#3
I have to say that I quite liked this. It had a very nice natural flow which made it very enjoyable to read. Only a couple of things "bothered" me about the piece. "Cluttered my arms" just didn't sit right with me the first few times I read it. As I read it more though, it seemed to fit better. But I don't, there's just something about that word cluttered, but that's just me nit-picking. Also with "dog ears" I keep thinking of actual dog ears (as opposed to when you fold the corner of a page, which is what you think you meant).And lastly, I just hate the word "scars". But anwyays, I thought this piece was beautiful. It's good to read more from you.

Crit mine please
Man Versus God
#4
I completely agree with this piece being a too shallow. The problem I ran into was that this piece felt like it could fall apart with every word I added. I was originally stumped after the first stanza, and it took me a good hour to get an agreeable start on the second. I feel like the way I began this piece limited me greatly when it came time to introduce more themes to it, and it just didn't work out how I intended.

I didn't like the use of "dog ears" at first either, but I kept it for the rhyme with "years" in the previous line; I'm becoming quite fond of using internal rhymes in prose.

Thanks for the critiques, guys. I'll be sure to return the favor.
#5
Hello there.

I don't mind the use of 'dog ears'. I prefer it more than 'faint scars', which is just a bit cliche.

I don't think this was shallow, but rather just maybe a little too simplistic for the emotion and feeling that it contains. The feeling is there, no doubt (at least I see/feel it), but it could have maybe used a bit more, or, just a few more powerful lines/images.

I like it in its current state though. Nice work.

Also, no need to return any favor because, if I remember correctly, I owe you probably 100 favors.
#6
"to the moment when your pacific eyes
and trite charm withdraw
to be written of as myths upon my arms
and the pages of my notebooks."

pacific eyes describition caught my attention. the ability to set your eyes on the notebook. focus on the moment to write endless ideas is rather unique.
#7
I enjoyed this. The dog ears part threw me off. Which then somewhat ruined the rhythm and flow this piece had going for it just because my brain got so caught on it. I'm not sure that this needs any more to it. I tend to enjoy how fleeting it is. It almost seems to have more power in the short two stanzas of it than I believe it would if it got longer. Overall good work though.