#1
Marcus just moved to the city. On the eve of Christmas Eve he tore a hole in the sweater he was wearing which was actually the Christmas gift he bought for his brother. The sweater caught on a nail in a doorway in some girls house on some downtown street and tore quite noticeably down the right sleeve.

“That’s a shame,” was the only thought Marcus had on the happening.

Christmas day exchanging gifts at his parents house, Marcus’ brother gives Marcus his gift, which happens to be the same sweater Marcus had bought for his brother. Marcus says he’s going to try it on in the bathroom quick. His family tells him to try it on right then and there so they can see, but he explains that he is not wearing a shirt underneath the sweater that he is already wearing, and that he prefers if no one sees his stomach. It is quite flat, but full of hair that almost forms the shape of some obscure author from the 18th century’s face.

Marcus sneaks his brothers sweater into the bathroom and swaps the one his brother had just given him with the ripped one Marcus got his brother. When he enters the living room again and his parents and brother ask why he didn’t let them see him with the sweater on he says that he didn’t actually try it on, just held it up in front of his body as he looked into the mirror.

“It gives you the illusion of actually wearing the sweater,” he says.

Marcus gives his brother the gift he bought him, and the family laughs at the fact that they got each other the same gift. Marcus laughed the hardest, he’s still laughing now somewhere as the breeze enters his body through the hole in the right sleeve of his sweater.
#2
"it is quite flat, but full of hair that almost forms the shape of..." excellenntttte!

laughed out loud at the illusion of wearing the sweater line. ending is perfect

beautifully done

edit- on 2nd reading perhaps the "some girls house" & "downtown street" stuff is a bit unnecessary or possibly just irritatingly vague. better to give the name of the girl or don't give anything at all. it just draws attention to itself as being fictitious, even if it isn't. anyway, i love this. perfect of example of how to execute a good idea without overdoing it, which we might say is the trick to life mightn't we
Last edited by skagitup at Jul 23, 2011,
#3
Somehow while reading it, I find it's awesome. But then when I'm done I think about the actual plot and question if it's interesting at all. But then I read it again to make sure and it is indeed great. I would say you're just a good writer, I'm surprised to have read it in these forums.

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#4
Skag, thanks a lot. I appreciate the words. You're probably right about the beginning part about the girl. I'll look into it.

jthm - thanks for the compliments. I'm working on a novel and, in exercise, I've been writing a lot of short fiction narratives like these. My purpose is to be able to make silly/meaningless happenings like these seem interesting/humorous and etc. With that, I think you questioning whether or not the plot is interesting at all is probably right on. I'm glad you found this to be a good read. Thanks again.
#5
My reaction was much the same as jthm described. I enjoyed the read, but found myself wondering why because the story itself is completely uninteresting. It was the way you told it that gave it life and some sort of awkward real-life charm.

But, yes, the last bit in the first paragraph definitely needs to be more specific; it feels rushed and fictitious as it is.

Overall, great work. You're quite a talented narrator.
#7
This was fantastic to read. I, like the others, wonder why. It definitely left me wanting more, and yet oddly satisfied. I kind of like the vagueness in that line that everyone is commenting on. Though I think maybe all of the vague parts are too much. Maybe just keep it at "at some girls house" or somehow not make it QUITE so filled. I'm not sure. I did really enjoy it though. Good work!