#1
So me and a friend were thinking up a couple of those comebacks like "Did you catch that fish? No, I talked him into giving himself up." and stuff like that. So we went onto google and tried to find some others but couldn't find any. Does anyone on the Pit know any? This is your chance to be as sarcastic as hell!
#3
Friend: Amy Winehouse is dead

Me: No, No, No
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
#4
Me and my friends realized how often people question other people usually by saying something along the lines of "Are you joking!?" so we just reply with "yes..." and we walk away...Or always reply with "Yeah, you're sister let me do it"
#5
Why do you want witty comebacks then say that this is our chance to be sarcastic as hell? You can be witty without being sarcastic
They made me do push ups in drag

I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals and racists.

Don't dress as a whore, he'll thump you.

I'm a firework, primed to go off
#6
"Witty" typically implies that you were quick to come up with something to say. Very rarely does it indicate a pre-determined response of sarcastic or sardonic nature.

GETONMYLEVEL!
This ends now, eat the goddamn beans!
#7
Quote by padgea7x
Why do you want witty comebacks then say that this is our chance to be sarcastic as hell? You can be witty without being sarcastic

You know what? You're right. I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions.
#8
Suck my balls.

E-married to no one
My Name is MaryJane
Pokemon Black FC: 3310-5005-8816

Quote by Kumanji
Honestly, I know where Alabama is and I suppose that explains your deeply striking looks...
#9
your mom goes to college
Lets jump in a pool


_____________________________________________
Last edited by I am wet : Today at 03:26 XM.
#11
Quote by Pancho Villa
You know what? You're right. I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions.
What Mj is the name said.
They made me do push ups in drag

I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals and racists.

Don't dress as a whore, he'll thump you.

I'm a firework, primed to go off
#12
yeah it depends on the situation and person saying it. the way it should work is one should post a question and the next poster has a smartass remark answer. then posts another question. make them common questions:

"have you lived here your whole life?"

"no, sometimes I go to the bass forum too"
#DTWD
#14
Quote by primusfan
yeah it depends on the situation and person saying it. the way it should work is one should post a question and the next poster has a smartass remark answer. then posts another question. make them common questions:

"have you lived here your whole life?"

"no, sometimes I go to the bass forum too"



you post questions when youre talking in real life? shiiiit,
The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world.
- Carl Sagan
#15
This is my own personal list of witty comebacks to hecklers that I've collected over the years, I actualy keep one next to my setlist on stage so that I'm never stuck for a good line.

1. I refuse to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent! (always start with this as it also gives fair warning)
2. Aww. I remember my first beer too.
3. Didn't your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
4. There's an alcoholic who doesn't want to remain anonymous.
5. You shouldn't drink on an empty head
6. Now I know why some animals eat their young.
7. What holds your ears apart?
8. Do I come to your place of work & tell you how to sweep up? (or you could replace 'sweep up' with 'flip burgers' or even 'suck dick')
9. Go and lean against the wall in the other room,... that's plastered too!
10. Was your mother a weightlifter? No? How did she manage to raise a dumbell like you then?
11. If I could find enough wood, I'd board your mouth up!
12. I can't believe it. A hundred million sperm...and you were the quickest?
13. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
14. If brains were bricks, you'd be homeless.
15. Are you from the shallow end of the gene pool or something?
16. Why don't you take a piggy back ride on a buzz saw?
17. With a face that ugly, you could put your nose in your ear and blow your brains out.
18. If I wanted to hear from an arsehole I would have farted.
19. I'm sorry, I don't know how to deal with you, I'm a musician not a proctologist.
20. On a scale of one to ten.... you're an dickhead.
21. You're ugly, your dick is short, no one likes you, shut the f**k up.
22. I've seen better faces on a clock, and even then, a cuckoo came out of it.
23. You couldn't get laid in a brothel with a fistful of twenties.
24. Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date later.
25. Look man, I grew up in... (name an area with a bad rep near to where you're playing) I've already been through your wallet, I know where you live, now shut the f**k up.
26. Good to see you again, I see you've gone back to wearing men's clothing.
27. (To a man who has just implied that you're gay) You want to know if I'm gay? Why don't you and your girlfriend bend over and see which one I f**k?
28. I could have been your father.... but my brother beat me to it because he had change for a dollar.
29. You'll never be half the man your mother was.
30. I got into this business because I thought it would be a bit of a fanny-magnet, but I didn't think I'd come across as big a c*nt as you.... Then say....I apologize for calling you that. I'm sure you're not a c*nt. You probably don't have the depth or capacity to give pleasure.
31. Hey, I like doing my act the way you like having sex.... alone.
32. You're the load your momma should have swallowed.
33. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
34. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
35. I don't know what makes you so stupid.... but it's really working!
36. He's so empty headed, if you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
37. I honestly don't think you are a fool.... but then what's my opinion worth against thousands of others?
38. Do you know what you have in common with a sperm cell? You both have a 100 million to one chance of becoming a human being.
39. If you want to be on stage we can switch places..... you come up here and entertain the audience, I'll go down there and act like an arsehole.
40. Is that a foreign T-shirt? No? Oh, it's just that I've never seen 'c*nt' spelled that way before.
#16
The funniest come back I've ever heard in a conversation between my friends, Alex and Josh, I was talking to another friend then we stopped and heard this.

Alex: It's gay.
Josh: Shut up, I think it's good.
Alex: Well you're gay.
Josh: I'm gayer than you.
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
#18
The funniest one I ever saw was actualy a drummer I was working with one night.
Some guy who couldn't win at heckling had stood in front of the band, dropped his pants and showed the band his bare backside.
We kinda ignored it and got on with our set but a few songs later, our drummer suddenly stopped us mid song (something that is usualy a big no no during a gig)
He'd seen the guy walking into the gents, so he stood up, grabbed a spotlight, turned it until it lit this guy up in the toilet doorway and said over his mic 'While you're there, wipe your arse you dirty bastard!'
#19
from how i met your mother:

barney: it's so good to see you, man! finally, a chance to go out with somebody even remotely fun. *looks at group of friends*

...yes offense.
Click here to hear my BOB DYLAN (Blowing in the Wind) out right now May 2k17
#21
Quote by padgea7x
What Mj is the name said.

Haha! Thanks!

E-married to no one
My Name is MaryJane
Pokemon Black FC: 3310-5005-8816

Quote by Kumanji
Honestly, I know where Alabama is and I suppose that explains your deeply striking looks...
#24
"You fight like a dairy farmer."

"How appropriate. You fight like a cow."
sim simma

who got the keys to my beema
#25
The jerk store called, they're running out of you!
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 73-78
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#26
A guy I know got asked "Why are you such a fat ****er?"

"Because everytime I ride your mum, she gives me a biscuit."


A weirdo I know told a (14 year old) girl to suck his dick

"I'm just a kid. We tend to choke on small objects."
#28
Quote by necrosis1193
The jerk store called, they're running out of you!


What's it matter, you're their all time best seller!

Person1: You're lame.
Person 2: No you're lame!
Person 1: If I wanted my cumback I would make out with your mom!
#31
SlackerBabbath
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What happened to Snake?

Snake?

Snake?

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!


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