#1
I've been rather motivated to work on my writing of music and recording, this one is rather rough, I was experimenting with some other sounds/genres to play in. So here it is, the song is 'Thoughts of a Deadman' a little darker than usual, ironically with happier sounding guitar parts. Just let me know what you think about it, anything at all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1wAGnJzpQ0

Leave a link to your music and I'll check your stuff out too, Thank ya'll


Lyrics (I tried to be louder and clear, but i don't know how successful i was)

I'm Sittin on the edge, watchin the cars go by
Waiting for my turn to try to fly
I'm falling fast now, the ground coming fast

Chorus: These are just the thoughts of a deadman, who-a-oh
These are just my final regrets, I'm falling fast now
I'm sorry to leave you all this way, but its to late

If I could go back, just a minute, I would say goodbye
Its to late, I'm tryin to fly
I'm sorry, I never apologized
If I get a second try, I'll fix this

Chorus

I wish you would come save me,
come and be my safty net
And i'll stop playin this russian roulette

Chorus
#2
Just listened to it, not a bad melody but the guitar breaks up so much and so randomly that it felt like I was listening to a scratched cd, Definatly too dificult to understand whats going on in the song, needs to be clearer. I can bearly hear the vocal, but what I can hear I do like, It flows well with the melody.

If you can crit my song that would be awesome https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1464548
2/17/08 Kosova's independence!!!
Last edited by zbest at Jul 25, 2011,
#3
I like the way it's a little broken up, but I think it might do better to lay off the effect so much - It makes the song a little difficult to listen to, compared to if it were clean, or only a little distorted like that
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#4
I agree with the other posters, the production kinda let's down an otherwise decent song.
Mind you, I do love the harsh raw sound of the recording, it's just a little too much.
I really wish I could hear the vocals a little better.
Add a little percussion and some bass to thicken it up a bit. Adding a bass guitar can really help songs with disjointed guitar parts and light percussion really stand out.

Make sure that if you decide to work some more on it to post it up for us to listen to again.
I reckon it has good potential. Just not quite there yet.
Last edited by Casuist at Jul 27, 2011,